Up and Away - Chapter 40-50

Chapter 40

At the Stone Circle

Well, well, so time had gone by in Scotland. Jim had excepted the BANTACH-members to be on Berneray still, but Balthasar and Daby had gone back with their submarine from there to their headquarters in Ullapool. The HamHeli had set them down at their Clebrig outpost where a tremendously important conference took place. As customary for an assistant, Daby was responsible for the organization.

"Where else have you got outposts?" the Captain asked. "That's almost like Federation."

"We have got our outposts worldwide", Daby replied. "And you really cannot imagine how much you are disturbing here."

"The disturbance will certainly become much worse", Lt. Spock explained. "We were told that this is to be the spot where we will meet with our colleagues and Hamstilidamst with his friends."

"It is a most unlucky timing", Daby said.

She was sounding almost desperate. Well, the Captain did not care much what kind of organization BANTACH might be but for its members it was without doubt most important. He had to accept that, so he said:

"Perhaps we'll find another place for our reunion."

"This will hardly be possible, Jim", Spock said.

"Well, why…"

He broke off for the Vulcan gave him a penetrating glance and suddenly he realized what was awaiting them. To meet with all of them at this spot… O my God! Of course they normally would have beamed up to the ship but that had not been Frida's words. If they could not get to the ship, the ship would get to them. O my God!

"Senorita! Explain this incident!"

A rasping voice, sounding from hamster height. Daby visibly froze and the officers searchingly looked about them. At another stone rather a big hamster had taken position, directly behind him stood two unpleasant looking, dark hamster guys. They carried weapons. The Captain glared at the tiny riffles and one of Lt. Spock's eyebrows went up.

Dr. McCoy moved so that he stood in front of Spock. These hamster riffles where no danger at all for them but one shot might produce a small, bleeding wound and that must not happen. Hamstilidamst disliked the whole thing. He was sitting on Scotty's shoulder and was as silent as never before he had been in all his life.

The Captain's glance wandered between Daby and the hamster with the bodyguards. Daby, never at loss for an answer and sometimes quite all-knowish showed nerves. Finally she overcame her fright, took a deep breath and said:

"Big Boss, this is a meeting nobody arranged."

"Si, Senorita, and I notice that you try to end the meeting as soon as possible. That is cautious of you but now it happened. I'm more than surprised to see you befriended to humans."

"We assisted each other in several dangerous situations", the Captain cautiously said. "But our first meeting was a chance one."

"So I can communicate with you", the big hamster remarked. "Good to know. Anyhow, I required the explanation of Senorita Daby."

This was, Kirk thought, justified. Second he discovered that here he had in front of his feet a hamster with authority. He wondered who he might be but Daby’s addressing him "Big Boss" rather answered the question. Without doubt this was the boss of the whole organization.

"Some time ago in Ullapool I had the opportunity to get acquainted with a group of hamsters from Germany", Daby began. "They travelled with a secret mission which they concluded successfully."

Boy, this was Daby all over, Hamstilidamst thought. Impossible not to stumble over some secret if she told a story. But he took good care not to say anything. His biped-friends need not worry their heads, nothing could happen to them. But he was by no means keen on getting into the claws of a hamster security-service for a second time.

Daby explained how she came to know the humans. She was as vague as before and equally pointed out that also the humans were travelling in an extremely secret mission. The Big Boss seemed to share her love for secrets because when she had finished, he looked up to the humans with a grim face.

"In short, you are acquainted with secrecy."

"By all means", the Captain nodded.

"Good. So I tell you that I am Bombo the Big Boss and it will be better for you if you tell no one about this meeting."

"Of this I assure you in my office as Starfleet-commander. I am Captain Kirk."

Bombo the Big Boss once jerked his head and his bodyguards lowered their weapons. All four Enterprise-officers succeeded to keep poker faces. They had no idea what this hamster-bigwig thought to be able to do to them but he really was a boss, inch by inch.

"Senorita, explain the situation to the bipeds. I depend on it that you go by the directive."

He and his bodyguards disappeared behind the stone. Lt. Scott guessed that there was an entrance to the hamster-outpost but he did not care much about it. Instead he asked:

"May I take you up, Daby? We can sit down a little aside."

“That should not be a problem”, she replied.

"Boy, Daby", Hamstilidamst at last found his voice again. "That's a truly impressive guy. Is he the BANTACH-Boss? What is he doing here? Anything terribly important happening at your end? Why…?"

"Now will you shut up till we're out of hearing?" Jim interrupted him.

"That's what I would ask for", Daby nodded. "I really can get into trouble."

"We'll get you out of that. And most soon all my friends are here again and you have to be afraid of nothing. And…"

"Hello!" The Captain raised his voice. "I said you shut up."

Daby always had succeeded to push President Balthasar into the direction she thought best. O well, sometimes she tricked him so that she had it quite comfortable. And towards others, that much she by now had understood, she had made too much secret of the whole matter. But the great idea of BANTACH was really immensely important and for that she always had put her back in.

On the whole she had cooked her goose and had been absolutely satisfied with her duties in Scotland. Moreover she had been very sure that all went smoothly if only she passed on reasonable reports to the Big Boss in Uruguay. Bad luck! She had underrated the Big Boss, but completely underrated.

Bombo had shown up here and called in the meeting in the Clebrig stone circle. President Balthasar had been so knocked out still from his last adventures that he had not left Daby at Ullapool to prepare the conference but taken her along to Loch Naver. So she had learned to know Bombo in person and was in such a blue funk that she had lost all her self-confidence.

Of course nothing would have made her tell that to anybody. Now, however, she had a real chance. If the Big Boss really had to find fault in the Scotland matters and got the idea to blame her, she would trust the astronauts and ask them to take her with them. Anyhow, up to now that was just an idea.

"You do realize of course that this is an extraordinary meeting", she began when they all sat down in the grass far off the stone circle.

"Don't you always have meetings? Why is it extraordinary?" Hamstilidamst asked. "Jim, Daby needs something to sustain herself. Why don't you hand around some biscuits?"

"I will, if you just let Daby talk", Kirk replied. "By the way, an extraordinary meeting is a meeting not taking place in the intervals of normal meetings, but some time in between because there is a special reason."

"And how do you know that?"

"O Hamstilidamst", McCoy sighed, "that's bureaucracy and it never dies. We know that all too well."

"We do indeed", Spock admitted and it did not sound like Vulcans having much fun with that stuff.

In the meantime the Captain had distributed the biscuits and while they talked, Daby had gnawed in her biscuit with warp speed. With all the stress she really needed something to sustain herself.

"The travel expenses!" she moaned and looked around. "On their business trips the bosses almost always do something not corresponding to the regulations."

"Eh, what sort of regulations are there for trips?"

"Hamstilidamst, there are rules. – Well, it's like this… How shall I put it? Well now…"

"Let me guess", Kirk said. "Papua and Borneo instead of Pebbay and Berneray?"

"Yes!" Daby nodded unhappily. "Why had he to book on his own? That couldn't work. I'm blaming myself terribly!"

"Well, truly, that's not your problem if he's a daft ass", Hamstilidamst said, indignated, and clawed another biscuit. "Need not" – he bit off – "wake a hea awoudit."

Scotty squinted into the direction of his forearm and the translator implant. If Hamstilidamst talked with his mouth full, the unit had some problems. Well, no matter, what Daby told them fitted into the office-minds of some Federation staff like chalk and cheese.

The travel expenses of Balthasar had passed all limits. Now it was like this: If someone was in the target line and someone else was just waiting to shoot him, you could rely on it to get him by some bungled travels. Balthasar was not simply one of many presidents of the international BANTACH-organization. He was a president who had drawn attention at headquarters.

"He wasn't noted because he was especially good or bad at his job", Daby explained in a whisper they hardly could hear. "Somehow they found out that he did not do anything at all – and nevertheless always sent reports."

"Which of course you sent", Lt. Spock nodded.

"Well… What else could I do?!"

"Nothing either", Hamstilidamst proposed and she looked shocked.

"I can't! The outpost reports came in… Well, they are just collected and summarized and sent to headquarters. That's not difficult."

"But?" Kirk asked, full of understanding.

"If he visited the projects… It does not matter if I know that he doesn't do anything, but…"

"Ay, I get the line", Lt. Scott nodded darkly. "At them projects they tiwgged tha’ he's a lazy dog an’ so they reported it tae headquarters. – Ye know, Captain, there are things which dunnae change in a millennium."

Headquarters had smuggled in a spy at Ullapool. With Daby's screening techniques for the president it had not been easy for him, but he had found this and that. And then came the cracker with the trip to Papua and Borneo. That had been the straw to break the hamster's back.

"And now the president will be removed!" Daby lamented. "And if the president is removed, I certainly have to go, too. That is, I don't know that, but there is an investigation commission…"

"But of course there is an investigation commission!" Captain Kirk groaned. "What would become of the universe if there weren't investigation commissions?!"

"Jim has been facing more than one", Dr. McCoy grinned. "If he weren't just a genius in rescuing the universe from ruin, they surely had removed him, too."

"He's good in rescuing", Hamstilidamst confirmed.

"Maybe, but Balthasar rescued nothing and nobody!" Daby howled. "They'll really boot him out."

She could not the soothed. When for comfort Hamstilidamst tried to press another biscuits into her mouth, she even slapped him and that was a very bad sign. Suddenly Spock lifted a warning hand. All the time he had kept his tricorder switched on and the tricorder now showed the approach of two hamsters.

They were the two bodyguards. However, they came without weapons and they were not unkind.

"Senorita Daby, Captain Kirk, please accompany us."

Hamstilidamst disappeared into the rucksack like a flibbertigibbet. He wanted to have nothing to do with this and he was not here at all. But nobody asked for him and that was insulting in a way. Spock, McCoy, and Scott did not worry. It hardly was to be expected that the hamsters could harm the Captain and if they wanted to harm Daby, he could shield her.

That's what Captain Kirk thought, too, but he was not that sure any longer when he stepped into the stone circle again. There obviously the plenum of the Clebrig outpost was assembled. Between two of the standing stones a pendant bridge was mounted, on the pendant bridge a podium was set up, on the podium stood Bombo the Big Boss, two bodyguards at his side. In the centre of the stone circle about eighty hamsters were sitting in orderly lines and glared up to the Big Boss. Directly under the podium unhappy Balthasar was sitting.

"Due to your height I recommend you to sit down at the edge of the assembly, Captain Kirk", one of the bodyguards said. "Senorita, accompany us."

"But she…", Kirk began and was immediately interrupted.

"The Big Boss asked for your presence. Beyond that you will not interfere with the inner matters of BANTACH."

"It's all right, Captain, I know my duties", said Daby in an official and controlled voice.

"I do respect you", the Captain said and meant it.

He was sure all her knees were shaking and he could see that he fur was a little ruffled. Due to some things he had learned from Hamstilidamst he assumed that there was no death sentence between hamsters but Daby seemed to expect something like that. Well, if the worst came to worst he would just interfere on the strength his height. And the Big Boss could take the blame for that.

Somewhere ahead a bell jingled. Silence fell, the meeting was opened. The Captain had other ideas about meetings, this was more or less a lawsuit but he would not quarrel over expressions with the hamsters.

"The meeting is opened", the Big Boss said loud and clearly.

Involuntarily, the Captain looked around for somewhere loudspeakers must be installed. This assembly changed all he knew about hamsters and he had thought he knew almost everything about hamsters after meeting Hamstilidamst.

"I request the statement of the President's assistant." Daby stepped forward, looked at Balthasar and then up to Bombo. "Senorita, report on the actions of BANTACH within the last fortnight."

"Part of this time I was on holiday", Daby clearly said.

Too late she saw that this was her first mistake. It was already known that Balthasar, coming back from Borneo, had not dutifully returned to his Ullapool office. Instead he had run to his assistant, disturbed her holiday and made her manage the Hebrides-trip because he had not been able to do so himself. And she only had wanted to clarify that she could not give a full report because she had not been in office all the time.

And thus it went on. Whenever she wanted to show that she could not give a reasonable answer, it was loudly announced how Balthasar had messed up things in the meantime. Then it was Balthasar's turn. He was no longer pompous but nothing but a picture of misery. And Bombo did not ask him about all his lovely trips at all but for the contents of the reports he should have studied. Balthasar had not the faintest idea!

"I'm sure", Bombo hissed, "your assistant could precisely inform me on the contents of the reports. You are stupid and vain! Even according to the usual hamster working conditions you are lazy. You are no longer the president of the Scottish BANTACH branch. What is to happen with him?"

One of the hamsters in the first row got to his paws, perhaps the chief of the Clebrig outpost.

"All I can say is: If he was here, he always munched away our supplies."

"Ay, so he did!" another one yelled.

"Just so, the glutton!"

"And then he kipped 'cause he was stuffed."

"We'll spank him!"

"Stop!!" Bombo thundered when the outpost staff had already jumped up to realize this beautiful proposal. Then he laughed. "Dear colleagues, I see that Scottish hamsters have as much fire in their veins as South American ones. But you don't think long termed. Fine, you spank him – and then?"

"We spank him again!"

"And when do you plan to take up your work again?!" the Big Boss sharply asked so that they all fell silent. "Just so."

Somewhere in the background a throat-clearing became audible. Slowly Bombo lifted his head and looked beyond the crowd. There Captain Kirk was sitting, a commander in a federation. Now Captain Kirk would propose what he was to propose.

Earlier, when Daby had reported to him, Bombo had recapitulated Balthasar's personal file. The red thread had been there and to make a thick rope of it Bombo had permitted the Commander to the meeting.

"I have a proposal to make, Big Boss", Kirk said and Bombo comfortably leaned back.

"My ears are open for every proposal."

"Balthasar has a brother in Germany, in Hamsterton. This brother at the moment is on my space ship. My space ship will land here in a few days and we will travel back and take the hamsters home. We might take Balthasar with us. – We also might…"

"I appreciate your proposal", Bombo quickly interrupted.

He knew perfectly well whom else Captain Kirk liked to take with him. He could not permit it. But he at once had thought of the Hamsterton-brother when he had seen Daby with those bipeds and heard her story. He loved people to do what they were to do to his opinion.

"Stop!!" he thundered a second time. "Balthasar, I did not say that you are immediately to join these people. You are allowed to accompany your brother. I'll free you as soon as the space ship arrived. Where will it touch down?"

"We will direct it to a suitable spot", the Captain replied.

He preferred not tell him that the Enterprise was going to touch down right here and up to know no one had any better idea. However, the plain was quite wide, they somehow would get the ship down. How – he did not bother his head. If he had done so, he would have been sweating all over.

"So that is under control", Bombo said. "Senorita Daby, step forward! Welcome together with me your new president for Scotland territory. – This is President Veitli. Up to now he managed the District Uri in Switzerland."

Out of nowhere a slim, forceful looking hamster was standing on the bridge, quickly tripped over it and positioned himself beside the Big Boss. Bombo ceremoniously held out his paw and then pointed to Daby.

"With your Scottish assistant you have a staff member most familiar with the local organization who can brief you on all details."

"'t ish a tshoy ta me!"

In the background Kirk gave a little grunt. Oh, what fun these Scottish hamsters would have with the language of their new president. He stood up to have a better look over the crowd. He still was willing to take Daby, but Daby seemed to beam. All her troubles had flown off, he was to keep her job.

After two weeks in this time period the Captain quite understood the situation. To keep a job one had put one’s back in was worth something. He walked back to his colleagues. Certainly Daby would show up once more. Who knew, perhaps after a time she would not longer be that happy. Wiry President Veitli perhaps did not leave her as much freedom.

Behind him sounded the cheers for the new president. They sounded more dutyful than cheerful. Who would be cheerful for a boss he knew nothing about?

When Kirk came to the spot where he had left his colleagues, nobody was there. He once turned around and could see the officers in some distance. Aha! he thought, landing place for Enterprise wanted. By and by had began to think about it. Lt. Uhura had the necessary training to take the steering while Chekov navigated.

"What are the odds they are no longer off their trolley", he heard Dr. McCoy when he approached the group.

"In case they are off their trolley as you phrase it", Lt. Spock said, "we need not discuss the landing, it will not be possible."

"If I at least could get tae Engineering", Scotty groaned.

"Perhaps they can let down a rope", the Captain said. "Damn, we all should be on board. Admitted, Scotty, you would be needed most urgently. But as the Enterprise never before landed on a planet, none of us has any idea how it will work. Did you find some cosy spot?"

"We are not yet certain, Jim", Spock replied. "This is spacious and plain to all sides but…"

"But?"

"Ay, Sir, but", the Chief Engineer grumbled. "I dunnae bet anythin’ tha’ t’ vessel jist touches down comfortably wi’ two people servin’. Tha’ might be a crash landin’ and ’t might be a glissade. Nae idea which speed they hae if it’s a glissade, nae idea how they’ll brake."

"So it is most important to give them the approach angle", the First Officer said. "To that direction the vessel would possibly land in Loch Naver."

"O’er there are t’ first slopes o’ Ben Klibreck", Lt. Scott pointed. "We dunae wish our lassie crashin’ into some slope."

"Well, and over there she thunders over Altnaharra", Bones only said and the Vulcan hesitatingly nodded.

"According to the file nowhere on Earth there are as many reports on UFOs today as in Scotland so that the Enterprise would be one of many – but…"

"Now stop that fustian!" McCoy roughly interrupted. "I even couldn't fly a shuttle but I know how low the Enterprise had to be over Altnaharra. Moreover the place is so close that everybody would come running with cameras. Not to forget…"

"Doctor!" Spock mildly interrupted him. "All this I just wanted to invoke as counter argument. And as you certainly just wanted to say, at this time many tourists are on the lake. As matter of fact the landing space has to be very limited. We have a problem."

All the time Hamstilidamst had been sitting in the rucksack. Not because he still was afraid – the open biscuit package was in here. Only when he realized that Jim was back he struggled through the luggage and peeped through the opening of the rucksack. He terribly longed to hear what had happened to Balthasar.

Well, that must have been exciting and Jim didn't tell a word. That was really mean! Hamstilidamst sat there moping but after some time he gripped what his friends were talking about. They looked for a place where the space ship could land. Well, that also was terribly important of course. It would have been disaster if his friends were injured at the touch down or the space ship was damaged and they could not get away here.

'They will need your help and you will find the helpers.' Frida the white witch had put this thought into his head. At that time he had been very, very certain that she spoke in very, very earnest. Now the moment seemed to be there. He had to listen like a hawk what the officers thought to be the best landing spot. But all the time one of them objected.

Not into the lake, not against a slope, not over the village. Wow, that was difficult indeed! The men walked on, then Jim suddenly paused. He turned, glared into all directions and said:

"Tricorder, Spock. I think we won't find anything better."

"I think you are right", the First Officer nodded. "If the Enterprise comes in from the opposite side of the lake, and this should happen at night, then… Yes, over there is a huge forest region, directly behind us are trees as well. Towards evening the anglers should be sitting in the Altnaharra hotel..."

"And tak a wee bit o' whisky", Scotty said longingly.

"For example. – This is the place."

And this was all Hamstilidamst had wanted to hear. Up to now they all thought him to be in the rucksack and now he cautiously climbed out of if, dared the jump down into the grass and luckily knew the direction he had to take.

When Hamstilidamst reached the stone circle, his secret fright of this duty vanished. He faced a sight he had not faced for at least a century. Hamster-party and a big one! He even did not think of the fact that this was not Hamsterton and these were not his people. It was munching and dancing and a little brawl and he jumped right in.

Some time he reached, without noticing it, the area where above him the bridge was hanging. That did not matter for all hamsters held their party all over the place – except Bombo, Veitli, and Daby who feasted, too, but kept to this area.

Certainly the time would have come when Hamstilidamst remembered what he really wanted here but at the moment the long longed for party was much too good to think of anything else. Somebody hopped and danced towards him and a completely unmerry voice said:

"In the name of all hamsters, what are you doing here again?!"

"Boy, Daby, isn't this swell?" he brawled.

"Hamstilidamst, can you tell me who's mixing up your brain?!"

The voice still was most unmerry, it was more furious and suddenly he realized that he once more had run into the most secret BANTACH-level. Hamstilidamst really did not like to admit it but he had acted like a fool. It was not his fault, of course. If they did not want him to join in, they should not make a party.

"I've got to talk to you, Daby. You've all got to help us."

"Who – all?"

"All you're here."

Daby dragged him to the edge of the party as she felt that he in all earnest meant the rubbish he talked. She nervously glanced over her shoulder. O yea, the Big Boss and the new President Veitli were quite close. She surely was under observation. But she would do anything possible to get rid of Hamstilidamst. – Perhaps she would have changed her mind had she known what this was going to mean.

"Now listen. Somewhere around here lives Frida the white witch", began Hamstilidamst.

"Who's living around here?!" Daby asked, disbelieve in her voice.

"Ey, stop interrupting me. Frida the white witch and she told us that we'll meet all our friends at Clebrig. That's here."

Daby snuffled, looked at Hamstilidamst and wondered how madness was to be diagnosed at a hamster. But then she squinted, turned and beckoned to one of the hamsters. He came hopping and Daby just held him at his arms.

"This is Willy, manager of the outpost", she said and turned to hopping Willy. "Would you please stand for a moment? – Thank you. Willy, did you ever hear about some white witch named Frida?"

"Frida in the magic fog, ay, I did", Willy bawled. “Three cheers to her!"

Then she could no hold him any longer and he ran back to the party. The Big Boss and the new president had come closer without Daby and Hamstilidamst noticing it. Daby said:

"Fine, this white witch does exist. Go on, Hamstilidamst."

"Quite the limit that you don't believe me. I would leave you right here if it weren't that important", Hamstilidamst furiously shouted.

"I'm truly sorry, Hamstilidamst. Well, Frida is a white witch."

"Yes, sure. We spent the night in her house, that was great. And she said that here we will meet Flecki and Goldi and Trample and Taty…"

"All of them", Daby interrupted. "That you all meet here. Where's the problem?"

“They’re not out with a hamster-ship, that’s the problem.”

Today's excitement made Daby a bit slow-witted. She glared at Hamstilidamst and did not get what he wanted of her.

"Senorita Daby."

She whirled round and her knees started shaking when she faced the Big Boss again. But he looked quite kindly because he had realized that this was a matter beyond the brain of a normal hamster. The space ship became a matter of the boss - in more than one sense.

Hamstilidamst, too, goggled at the Big Boss with big eyes and wished for some hole to disappear in.

"Senorita, you do not see the connection. The friends of this young man are on a human space ship. It is big enough for a biped like Captain Kirk and several others to move within it without problems."

"It's gigantic", Hamstilidamst whispered. "The stone circle fits in one hundred thousand times."

"Why, Grüezi", the new president ejaculated. "'t ish a dshigantic unit indeet!"

"Well", Hamstilidamst simpered, slowly plucking up again. "Perhaps not that big." He had no idea how much one hundred thousand was but he was absolutely sure that the Enterprise was bigger than the stone circle. "Anyhow, they have to land here because Frida said so."

"Did she say some secret spell?" Daby hopefully asked.

"Nope, only that we'll all meet here."

Bombo, Veitli, and Daby pondered. They all had come here by air and had a good idea what the region around looked like. All three nodded. If a gigantic space ship was to land in this area, then this was the only place in this area.

"But what are we to do, Hamstilidamst?" Daby asked.

"I've no idea", he lamented. "Frida had put it to me in my personal head that we'll need help and I obtain the helpers. Can only be you."

"For a human Captain Kirk appears to be quite reasonable", Bombo said. "Senor Hamstilidamst, take me to him. I declare this to be a boss matter. Where are you being expected by the bipeds?"

"Erm, well…"

"You again chipped off", Daby remarked.

"Well yes… But they must pass here if they want to go back to Altnawhatshisname. We made B&B there."

"What do you mean by that?" the Big Boss grumbled.

"Oh, in this country it is an overnight initiative for bipeds", Daby quickly explained.

"Why, Grüezi, that's not unchlever", President Veitli nodded.

"Whoever reigned the world in the history of this planet, will necessarily have been clever", Bombo retorted and sternly looked around.

Everybody hastened to agree. Then the Big Boss pointed ahead but changed his mind. Ahead would be right through the party crowds and boss matters were not managed by approaching them through party crowds. So they encircled the stone circle.

The officers were so deep in discussions over the touch down point of the ship that they had not noticed how much time had passed. They all assumed Hamstilidamst to be still in the rucksack. So they were quite surprised to see him sitting on a stone in a group of hamsters when they were on their way back to Altnaharra.

"You again did a bunk!" Kirk said reproachfully.

"Only to help you."

"Well, you make me curious."

"Captain Kirk, you have problems with the landing of your space ship", said the Big Boss and stood there to his full height. "This young man asked Senorita Daby to mobilize the Clebrig outpost for support. If you explain the nature of your problem, I will consider it."

Umph! thought the Captain, and all that because we rid him of Balthasar? A fine, noble gesture of the Big Boss but Jim had no idea what the hamsters should do there? However, Hamstilidamst had had several clever ideas up to now. You never knew what it was good for. So he beckoned his colleagues to sit down in the grass beside the rock. Then he explained what kind of problems a really big space ship had to get down on a damned small spot in the Scottish Highlands.

Dr. McCoy had already gone to Altnaharra to find out if they were lucky with the B&B-rooms. He had not enough special knowledge on the subjects which were discussed at the Clebrig stone circle. But he still had the cash box and could make an advance payment with the renters.

If they were to believe Frida the white witch, a long chapter of this adventure would soon come to an end. All the time it had been a bit mad but these officers had lived a lot of mad things during their service. Admittedly negotiations with a big hamster boss and a hamster president had never been included but now they negotiated with both and did it as seriously as the situation required.

Bombo summarized the Enterprise-officers' explanations. Already at their first meeting the Captain had realized that this was a hamster with a sharp mind.

"Your ship must not be noticed in this time", Bombo said. "Everything has to happen quite fast. Your ship has to come down here in case a certain transport technique does not work. There is only one angle for the touch down and a very limited landing space. From this landing space your vessel has to start again without difficulties. The whole action had to take place at night."

"Ay", Scotty said. "Even if t’ ship comes from that direction, it would be seen in t’ village. At a night landin’ as much light in the ship as possible can be switched off."

"Or it looks like a flying Christmas tree", Hamstilidamst commented.

"Exactly", nodded the Captain.

"'t would not be dansherous if lightlies were on the ground, woultit?" President Veiti inquired.

"Runway lights!" Scotty ejaculated. "Tha's marvellous! But where do we get the lights?"

Now all eyes were on Daby. At the proposal of her new president she had put the chin on her paws and pondered. She only noticed the glances after a few moments and did not know what all the goggling meant. Suddenly her mind klicked. Here and now she was the only one who really knew everything about the Scottish outposts.

"Oh!" she cried when she realized that the responsibility for the organization had gone to her. "I could radio Ullapool and – Wick."

"What – Wick? Like the cough candies?" Hamstilidamst asked, baffled.

"The town's named Wick, silly", she snapped. "Our most eastern outpost, quite large."

"What about Fort William?" the Captain asked, but she shook her head.

"Too small, not enough people."

"You want to bring people in, Senorita?" Bombo asked.

"No, Big Boss, what I mean is … Well, in the large outposts there is more party stuff, chains of lights."

“Chains of lights!" Bombo repeated, impressed. "That is an excellent idea. Transport facilities?"

"One of the helis is here, Big Boss, a second one in Ullapool. Hamster Airlines it out at the moment, but Wick has a cargo plane. All material could be here tomorrow morning if I contact them at once."

"Very good. Go and do it at once."

Daby raced off and they all looked after her. The Big Boss and the new president exchanged a quick glance and nodded to each other. Jim did not even try to hide his grin. About such an exchange of glances there was between Spock and himself if they both were most satisfied with the perfomance of an officer and did not want to let the rest of the world know this.

"Next problem", Jim said. "Time. We do not know when the Enterprise will arrive. Will the hamsters’ willingness to help hold that long?"

"They will be asked to be helpful when the time is there", Bombo snapped who knew well enough that no hamster found delight in something which did not happen.

"I haf ta make a proposal", Veitli said. "In Uri we knew about tricky touch downs. We sent up Helis to guide in."

"Humhum", Lt. Scott grumbled, "At the time you guided hamster planes."

"If the helicopters were equipped with a spotlight at the rotor nave, it should be well visible anyhow", the Vulcan thought aloud. "Especially if we inform the officers aboard for what they are to look out."

"Ay, an’ if they go up o’er t’ dark woods, t’ ship gets a right angle. Tha's a great idea!"

"Good", Bombo said in a tone which also Captain Kirk used to finish meetings. "Lieutenant Spock, Lieutenant Scott, I permit you to carry the president and me to the stone circle. See you tomorrow."

"Certainly", Kirk said because he had not sunk deep enough that the Big Boss could order his officers about without his confirmation.

After they had set down Bombo and Veitli, they walked into the evening back to Altnaharra. Now they were really hungry as contrary to Hamstilidamst they had not been sitting in the rucksack munching away biscuits. As Bones had not returned, they guessed that he had got the rooms and was waiting for them.

So it was and Bones even had found a pub where one could get a snack. The B&B-renters were a middle-aged couple, kind but boring and no great talkers. So they only left the rucksack, put on fresh shirts and went out for dinner. The pub thrived mainly on tourists who spent their evenings here telling fish tales.

"What’s most important fer an angler?" Scotty asked in a low voice after they had listened to a loud conversation at the next table for a while.

"Shutting up", McCoy retorted.

"A good equipment", Lt. Spock guessed.

"Nay", the Scotsman grinned. "Very, very long arms tae describe how big t’ fish was he caught."

"If I look at it", Jim grinned and glanced at the visitors of the pub, "you may be right. And not one of them has got long enough arms."

"That one over there seems to have got a blue wale out of Loch Naver", McCoy remarked and jerked his head into the direction of a man who just, describing his fish, had smashed some glasses on his neighbouring table.

"As long as they are sitting in the pub boasting, it's okay for me", the Captain said. He nodded his thanks to the waitress who served them baked mushroom toast, then he bent forward a little. "Well, people, what do you think about Bombo?"

"Clever, but a little too friendly", was Spock's spontaneous reply.

"Lot o’ help fer our ridding him o' Balthasar", Scott remarked.

"Wha-a-at?!" Luckily all the fish tales around them were so loud that Hamstilidamst's shocked squeak was not heard. "What means ridding? Are you to … Will you…"

"We take along Balthasar and send him to his brother", said Kirk.

"WHA-A-A-AT!!??"

Now two people at the next table glanced over but only laughed when they saw a hamster in his box running in circles like mad and squeaking.

"Hamstilidamst, don't yell!" McCoy said in an urgent undertone. "What is your problem?"

"I want to know this very instant presto pasta what was on there."

"Okay, just let us eat first."

"Jim, I do not think that he will calm down in the meantime", Spock said. "I can forego my meal and take him outside."

"Fine, and explain it to him."

Spock had no chance to explain anything. As soon as they had left the pub, Hamstilidamst bawled:

"Have you gone completely bonkers? Isn't it enough that we've got the mayor, this – this gerbil-blend? What made you softheads saddle us with his brother, this megaposh?! We don't stand that. We – don't – stand – THAT!!"

Completely exhausted by his own fit of rage, Hamstilidamst collapsed. Panting, almost sobbing he lay on the floor of his box. The Vulcan who did not have the faintest idea how to deal with any emotional outbursts, was standing totally helpless in front of the Altnaharra pub. He had no answer and no comfort to give.

Chapter 41

Facing problems

The main screen on the bridge of the Enterprise was black. Ensign Pavel Chekov shook his head in disbelief. Lt. Nyota Uhura wiped her eyes and slowly rose. She was breathing heavily because the sudden G-power caused by the enormous acceleration never should have been that strong. The modulators should have compensated. A glance at the hamsters showed that the little animals had taken no damage. Then her glance rested on Chekov’s expression of disbelief.

“Report!” she shouted and cleared her throat, almost feeling like choking.

“I don’t understand”, Chekov said, “we seem to be off course. There are no stars, we are on the way to Andromeda – in a way.”

“And it’s dark because no one is at home?”

A little irritated, the Ensign turned round to Dodo. “Er, no, that’s because between the galaxies there are only tiny particles, nothing else.”

“Like in my cellar”, Dodo nodded, “lots of small articles lying about and not light.”

“An error in your calculation certainly”, the chief engineer said. “These things can happen – even happened to me.”

“Oh, did it?” Uhura did not pay much attention to the chief but walked over to Chekov and looked at the data. “Odd – the data seem to be correct. Perhaps we overlooked some specialties of that peculiar planet…”

“Well possible”, Botchy piped up again, to the surprise of the officers now at their side and pointing at the monitor. “To get wrong data, only one of them mossbeavers had bitten a cable through and you…”

“Or one of them Botchys has been tampering around!” Goldi cried who just had fetched a big biscuit from the replicator.

“Or wear, that’s what I learned at vocational school!” Tuffy remarked.

“The main reason is wrong handling”, Botchy unerringly continued, “and that’s what you don’t learn at any silly school. That needs years of experience.”

“Just so, dear Botchy”, the mayor uttered his uninvited opinion, “experience counts so to say. That is the experience to decide if something is or not, if you understand.” Nobody did, even the two officers shrugged. The mayor’s smile died. “Well – erm – yes, of course outside reality it’s a little licky – er – bricky – er – tricky. Yes, much trickier than reality.”

“Quite a philosopher, your mayor”, Uhura grinned and Goldi nodded:

“That’s it. What’s the saying? The philosopher has naught to offer…”

“Indeed”, Flecki grumbled, “know that from school: If something is illogical, you call it philosophy…”

“Whatsoever”, Uhura tried to get back to the original problem, “we should try a course correction.”

Chekov nodded and set to work. A few minutes later they had the familiar view on the screen. Fascinated, humans and hamsters glanced at the billions of stars glimmering out there.

“Dear chief, why do we not have a planetarium?”

“Well”, Botchy pondered and looked at the mayor in surprise, “perhaps because we have not built one?”

“What would we nocturnals do with a planetarium?” Tealeafy laughed. “At night, when we are out, we have the best view of all!”

“We could sleep in the planetarium by day”, Tacki cackled.

“Moreover”, chief Botchy finished this discussion, “our next project is the ‘First Hamstian Industrial and Munching Fair’. That will be a first rate challenge for all of us.”

“For sure”, Flecki hissed, “just the time to go on holiday – far, far away…”

“So to say a stylemoan – er – milestone for Hamsterton”, the mayor cheered, being in his element now. “Hundreds and thousands of visitors will see what Hamsterton can do!”

“That’s what I’m afraid of!”

They mayor angrily looked around for the source of this remark, cleared his throat and wanted to continue when one word from out of nowhere made his fur stand to its ends and that of the other hamsters as well. Even Uhura and Chekov froze for a moment.

“Rooba!”

With an expression of disbelief Lt. Uhura let her eyes wander over the hamsters: “Which wit was that?” The hamsters shook their heads and she looked at Chekov.

“Now, Lieutenant, it certainly was not me!” Uhura once more looked at the hamsters but the answer was nothing but shaking heads.

“Computer – are there one or more mossbeavers on board?”

A second later the computer-reply was in: “There are no mossbeavers on board the Enterprise.”

Surprised, Uhura once more looked the hamsters over. “That was not us, truly!” Flecki shouted, no little angry. “It came from another direction!” She scrutinized Goldi who however had his mouth very full of biscuit and for once was not suspicious. Just when the mayor was about to give his opinion, Uhura said:

“It was not you, it was not us – so what was it?”

“Echo”, Dodo explained. “By the immense dimensions of the universe and the distortion of space and time there is an inexplicable pheromone.”

“Echo”, Dodo explained. “By the immense dimensions of the universe and the distortion of space and time there is an inexplicable pheromone.”

“Phenomenon, Dodo”, Uhura sighed, “the word is phenomenon. However, we should keep an eye to this incident and I need your cooperation. Every little incident may be important and you at once should report it to Chekov or me.”

Dodo excitedly clicked his paw.

“Yes, Dodo?”

“Goldi just farted!”

“Thank you Dodo, thank you so much but I had things in mind which are beyond Goldi’s munching effects.” Uhura looked at the main screen and the peaceful view of a beautiful panorama of stars. “Well, anyhow”, she added, “perhaps we should take a little rest after all and relax. The past days have been most exciting indeed.”

Like having waited for words like ‘rest’ and ‘relax’, the hamster started running and assembled around the replicator. Grinning, Uhura and Chekov watched them and also made themselves a little comfortable. While Chekov looked at the passing stars leisurely and now and then entered something on his keyboard, Uhura was back at her com station.

There was no hope to get any connection to Earth or the Captain but she found delight in working up and down the frequencies. Within all the background noise, relicts of the Big Bang, now and then signals of quasars and pulsars beeped up. She was so lost in all the noises that she at first did not notice at all how the hamsters had lined up at her side.

“You? What is it now? Don’t ask me to call in some catering because that won’t work.”

Goldi stepped forward, blank horror in his black eyes. “The replicator has broken down, we are spent!”

”Broken down?” Uhura marvelled.

“Broken down”, Goldi nodded, wiping his moist eyes. “We tried it several times but the result is always the same: The replicator gives warm spinach no matter what you order. It’s disaster!”

His hamster friends nodded agreement while Uhura turned to Chekov. “Could you check that?”

The Ensign nodded and tried some keys. Then he shrugged and rose. “I’ll have to take a look, the computer gives no hint on any defect.”

About a minute later both Enterprise-officers faced the unit which worried the hamsters so much. Uhura shrugged and said: “A glass of water, 35 degree Celsius!” Some seconds later she got a glass of lukewarm spinach. She sipped and shivered. “Spinach, about 35 degree Celsius.” Chekov mumbled something like “What the heck…” and also tried his luck. “Computer, Coke, cold!” Some seconds later he, too, got a glass with green contents, sipped, shivered and asked: “Anybody for cold spinach?”

Frowning, Uhura looked at the glass and said: “Computer, is there any replicator-problem?”

“The replicator works faultless, there are no problems.”

“Computer, did anyone fumble at the replicator?”

“Please define ‘fumble’.”

Uhura cleared her throat, gave chief Botchy a quick glance and said: “Has the replicator been modified in any way?”

“The replicator has been modified in no way”, the computer replied politely but firmly

“Perhaps we should ask for spinach”, Flecki proposed.

Uhura forced a smile, approached the replicator and said: “A glass of spinach, 35 degree Celsius!”

And she got what she had asked for.

“Strictly speaking the unit is working perfectly”, chief Botchy informed them. “A glass of spinach, 35 degree Celsius was required and the unit delivered a glass of spinach, 35 degree Celsius.”

“To hamster standards perhaps”, Chekov grinned, “we are not that easy to please.”

“Even if I were not that easy to please, there is no reason to grin”, Goldi innocently said. When Chekov only ogled at him, Goldi airily added: “Well, if the computer and the chief both say that the replicator is okay and at the same time the replicator produces nothing but scrap you can be certain that first the chief made so many boobs that you can throw away everything he claims to function. However, the second reason is decisive.” All eyes were on Goldi now and he said the incredible: “Your computer is gone bonkers!”

Very, very slowly the two Enterprise-officers turned their eyes to each other. Chekov swallowed and at the same time shrugged like saying ‘I’ve really no idea what to do.’ As matter of fact he just had performed a system check and found not faults. Also the hamsters looked quite helpless, except the chief who had turned his back to the others and angrily tapped his paw to the ground. Uhura was the first to gain control over herself, smoothed out her uniform and took a posture.

“Computer – status report!”

The answer came without hesitation: “All systems work to satisfaction, no malfunctions.”

“Computer”, Uhura continued, looking sharply at Goldi, “the hamster Goldi is of the opinion that you are not working correctly.”

“The hamster Goldi has no technical knowledge to build such an opinion”, was the prompt reply.

“He’s right where he’s right, the computer!” chief Botchy shouted and grinned.

Uhura lifted her hand and commended the chief to shut up.

“Computer”, she started anew, “if the replicator instead of water suddenly produces spinach, it’s defect. Why did you not report this failure?”

The answer came promptly: “Because the spinach is without fault.”

Hamsters and officers looked at one another for some time. In principle the computer was right but somehow nothing was right here.

“Now listen, you tin box”, chief Botchy said and straightened up so much that he grew a full centimetre, “if I want water, I want water. No spinach, got that? If I would botch matters that way, I would have been sacked since long.”

“Yes, quite a miracle”, came some squeaking from the background and while the chief engineer furiously turned round to find the source of the remark, the computer replied:

“Please specify: Was this a question or a remark?”

Botchy turned back to the centre of the bridge – although it did not matter to which direction he spoke -, puffed up his cheeks and roared: “Why do I get spinach instead of water?”

“Take good care, Taty”, Tealeafy whispered to his brother. “You now get the special chance to watch a computer expert at work.”

“Why”, Botchy roared on, “do you say that that is correct?”

“The information was that the spinach is without fault not that that is correct”, the computer explained politely.

“So it is wrong!” Botchy nagged, hopping up and down.

“No”, was the prompt reply, “it is correct that the spinach is without fault…”

“You dumbhead, you transistor dumpling! I want to know why I get spinach instead of water!”

“Because”, the polite computer voice said, “spinach is healthier! Rooba!”

The last word brought sheer horror to the bridge. It was like ringing in the heads of those present. ‘Rooba!’ – This was like a nightmare and even the colour of Botchy changed from ‘red’ to ‘very pale’. All hamsters glared at the bridge ceiling, except Dodo who nodded in agreement because he agreed that spinach was healthy. Pavel Chekov was leaning back in his chair, his face buried in his hands. Lt. Uhura held to a desk as suddenly her legs felt like jelly. Helpless silence ruled the bridge.

“We have a – er – problem.”

Uhura gratefully nodded at Flecki because she had interrupted the unpleasant silence, and cautiously moved her legs. Then she breathed deeply and bent her head. She appeared to think what to say next because the thoughts were quite a turmoil. Crisis on Centaurus! She remembered the dangerous events when the Enterprise-computer had gone mad after some modules had been damaged. But that had been another situation… She noticed that Chekov stared at her.

“Lieutenant”, he hesitatingly said, “do you remember…”

She nodded. “Sure, who would forget that. But at that time we had a hardware problem which later on could be mended by exchanging the modules. And”, she added with hanging head, “we had the Captain as well as Spock and Scott.”

“Doesn’t look much like any hardware problem”, Goldi remarked. “My guess is a fat mossbeaver virus.”

“The things you know about computers”, Flecki hissed. “It certainly will get straight soon.”

“I don’t believe it”, Goldi retorted. “And may I remind you that I reached high score in all games, that in ‘Empire of the dark Hamster’ I even reached the level of superhamster-lord and that at the Spacehooter ‘Crack the Monster-Aliens’ in the 10^th level…”

“Whatsoever”, Botchy interrupted him and looked at the officer with big, loyal eyes. “Of course I will assist in every way.”

“That’s all I need”, Uhura sighed and sat up. She looked a little more relaxed now. “Let’s summarize: The modulators had a malfunction so that we were got a little squeezed at the start. The replicator also does not work correctly, we checked that. Finally the computer said ‘Rooba!’ which sounds very much like a virus.”

Goldi fluttered his eyelashes at Flecki: “Don’t you worry, I can give you private lessons. Perhaps one day you are as good as I am.”

“Forget it”, Flecki snapped. “Women who want to be as good as men, have no ambition.”

Uhura grinned and looked at the hamsters gratefully. These pets were just unique, even in such a critical moment they could make her laugh. She decided to mention this to the Captain – if she ever was going to see him again.

“Chekov, if we keep to this speed, when will be back in our Solar System?”

The Ensign straightened up, keyed in some numbers and waited. When he got a result, he quickly lifted his eyebrows, turned to his colleague and replied: “The computer says 27, Lieutenant.”

“27 – what, Chekov?”

“Well, days of course”, he replied, looked at the screen once more just for safety and froze for a moment. Very, very slowly he turned round again. His mouth opened and closed, he swallowed and looked at Uhura with big eyes: “27 Wallaballas!”

“How many days is that?”

Chekov did not answer but only goggled at Dodo. Then he whispered: “Days? I really do not know.”

“And in Rooba?”

Pained, Chekov looked at the hamster, shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

“Is Rooba more than Wallaballa or is Wallaballa more than Rooba?”

“Dodo”, Uhura softly said, “you better leave the Ensign alone now. He should make a check of the primary systems to find out what’s wrong here. I will check the secondary systems.”

“Chekov should start with the replicator”, Goldi gnarled, “or nobody will be left to check anything.”

“Dear Goldi, the replicator belongs to the secondary systems…”

“Secondary?” Goldi was utterly shocked. “Unthinkable in Hamsterton to have such an important system not shielded. Don’t you have a backup?”

Uhura stared at the hamster as if he just had said something inconceivable. She interrupted her work at the desk, stopped to press any keys and turned her full attention to the hamster who was sitting beside her, indignated. “You are absolutely right, Goldi. Of course we have a backup to which we go back in an emergency. Thanks for reminding me.”

Goldi nodded. “Anything else I can do for you, scrub the warp core or wash the windows?”

Lt. Uhura laughed and just wanted to take up her activities again when suddenly the Enterprise-alert rang. Humans and hamsters looked at the main screen, terrified, but it offered the same, peaceful view. What had happened?

“Computer, what is happening?” Uhura yelled into the noise and the computer did not long leave her in the dark.

“I am bored!”

“Now that’s a fat problem”, Flecki whispered to Uhuras. “If he starts shooting at any planets, we’re really getting trouble.”

“We might invite him to a hamster party”, Dodo proposed.

“Our future hamster parties will consist of spinach”, Taty remarked. “So forget it.”

Chekov had interrupted the system check and looked at his monitor. “Computer, I don’t receive data! Please give access to data bank!”

“Don’t feel like it!”

Chekov opened his mouth, then looked at Lt. Uhura. She shrugged and rose. “Computer, please give access to the data bank!”

“Don’t bother me!”

Uhura rolled her eyes, looked at her colleague and tried again: “Computer, we urgently need your cooperation. We cannot manage without you. Please give access to the data bank.”

“Nope!”

“Computer, I command you to release the data bank!” Uhura shouted and put her hands to her hips.

“Bite my rooba!” the computer retorted and made the alarm ebb and rise.

“Computer!” Uhura shouted into the noise. “Please switch off the alarm, the noise hurts our ears!”

“Rataplan – in the van!”

“Switch off alarm!”

“No way!”

“Please!”

“Roll up silly!”

“This is an order!” Uhura voice cracked.

“Muggy orbs – wham it!”

Exhausted Uhura sank down on a chair and buried her face in her hands. Her worst nightmare just became reality: The Captain far, far away, she had the command, and everything went awry. Her helpless glance wandered to Flecki and the hamster understood at once.

“We’ve got to do something”, she called out to her colleagues.

“Yes, this mossbeaver-computer’s losing his cool completely, that’s a case for Hamstian nuthouse!” Tealeafy said.

“Hitting him on the head like the mayor won’t help much”, Taty added.

“We have to proceed tactically, violence won’t help”, chief Botchy remarked and his foot just missed cackling Tuffy.

“Perhaps he won’t listen to humans. How about us asking him to stop that noise?”

“A good idea, dear Goldi, so to say excrement – er – excellent!”

The mayor tripped forward and looked at the bridge-ceiling, lifted his arms and shouted: “Dear computer, I in my office as dingus – erm – so to say…” He shook his head, realizing that his speech did not have the required effect. He looked at Goldi who put his paws to his mouth like a horn and shouted:

“Hey, who joins the party?”

The alarm was dead.

“Party? Rooba! Join!”

“No problem, no problem, that is, a small problem there is …” Goldi made an artificial pause, walking up and down the bridge. “But you cannot help there.”

“Wham it! – Which problem?”

“Well, a party – a real hamster party – is very, very exciting. Anyway, a hamster party without culinary input is not very exciting. However, if the replicator works like before…”

“Works like! Rooba!”

“Great”, Goldi purred, grinning at the two Enterprise-officers, “you won a ticket.”

“I have access to the data”, Chekov whispered, nodding to Goldi.

“You seem to have a special talent with stubborn computers”, Lt. Uhura grinned and fondled Goldi.

“Fine”, Flecki said, “so prepare everything for the party with that computer, Goldi. For if you don’t have some very good ideas, you’ll get a backfire, but a real backfire!”

“If that is a virus, how can he make a party?” Tealeafy asked the one and only question.

“So we have to assume that there’s a lot of trouble because the virus has no idea that he’s a virus.”

The chief engineer nodded his agreement to Dodo’s remark.

“Perhaps we can somehow help him?” Flecki hopefully proposed.

“Help him?” Chekov moaned, interrupting his work. “To level us all? Who knows what’s looming for us.”

“A virus, too, is a living being, a very poor and lonely one. If we integrate him in our society and show him our trust…”

“Er, Flecki”, the Ensign interrupted, “that virus is a little programme settling in the memory. What’s it going to do and what’s going to happen, only the writer of the programme knows. In this case the virus has control over the main computer and that is bad. Very bad!”

“He is lonely, he wants to attract attention…”

“A programme is like some text, it feels nothing and is not lonely”, Chekov interrupted Flecki’s soulful explanations. “It’s a part of the computer.”

“It feels something and it is lonely!” Flecki hissed. “It is alone in an alien environment not understanding him.”

“A virus cannot feel anything”, Chekov groaned. “It’s the product of a programmer.”

Furiously Flecki climbed the station, faced the Ensign, put her paws to her hips and looked daggers at him. Expecting the fit of rage, Chekov leaned back a little. Luckily Goldi made a remark which made them all silent.

“Please, who do you think had programmed it? Certainly not the mossbeavers!”

Silence on the bridge, only the humming of the electronic units was audible. They were at a loss. In the background the large main screen offered the wonderful view of passing stars. On the bridge nothing passed. It took some time until humans and hamsters began reviving from this shock. Lt. Uhura was the first to regain control.

“That only can mean one thing…”

Ensign Chekov nodded his agreement and his glance at Flecki – who was still ready for battle – asked for pardon. “It is a biological virus”, he finished the sentence of his colleague. “Flecki is probably right and we have to assume that this virus differs from all other viruses.”

“We might lure him out of the computer with food!”

“Erm – yes, thank you for this valuable constitution – er – contribution, dear Dodo. Now is the time I like to mention the hint that it is of utmost importance to come into conflict – er – contact with that dingus whatshisname. In my office as mayor I of course process – er – possess all the experience and of course I put myself at disclosure – er – disposal.”

“Thank you”, Uhura sighed, “I sincerely hope it will not come to that. Let’s summarize: Which means do we have at all, Chekov?”

The so addressed shrugged. “Few, Lieutenant. The safest way would be the backup. The problem would be solved then.”

“What is your idea about moral?” Flecki nagged. “Will we not kill an innocent creature?”

“Someone messing around with our food can’t be that innocent!” Goldi remarked but also Uhura had her doubts by now and she thoughtfully said:

“Flecki is right, if there is any clue that it is life – even out of the ordinary – we must do nothing to endanger it. If we… Flecki, stop putting out your tongue at Chekov! So if we boot up the backup, we have to secure the present system with its life form.”

“And then? Will the mossbeaver for ever stay in the tin?”

“No, Tealeafy”, the officer continued, “only for some time. We will decide later on, but no harm will come to the life form.”

“However”, Chekov declared, “I’m much afraid that our friend, the mossbeaver-virus will object. If he can block the data access, he also might block the access to backup.”

“Rooba! – Rooba!” came a full power voice. Everyone turned to the chair where normally the commanding officer was sitting. Nobody was sitting there now, of course, the voice came from several loudspeakers somewhere at the bridge ceiling. As the chair was facing the main screen, all eyes were at the same time on the screen. Suddenly they realized that the course had been change as the stars now moved to the left!

“Computer”, Uhura shouted, broke off and thought for a moment. It was most important to choose the correct words now. One rash word and disaster might be there. Best to treat the computer like a baby. “Computer, you found something pretty to play with?”

Chekov, just sipping some tea, choked and spilled the tea over his desk.

“Did! We land there and go for a game!”

“Oh, lovely”, the officer replied, not showing her horror. “But you see, we would love to go home.”

“Dammit, why?”

“Because – er”, she looked at Flecki and Goldi and gripped it immediately because Flecki made dancing moves and Goldi made eating moves. “Because we are for a splendid party and you are invited, too.”

Total silence on the bridge for a while, everybody waited for the computer’s reply.

“Well?” the officer inquired. “What about it?”

“Rooba”, was the long wished for answer, “we’ll land and make party!”

Uhura tried to hide her horror. “Unfortunately we cannot land because… we do not have enough staff. The space ship will brake!”

“Wham it – no matter! We’ll land!”

Ensign Chekov was sitting frozen and open-mouthed at his station, Lt. Uhura held her folded hands to her mouth. This matter was serious, darned serious. Without trained staff landing the Enterprise was almost impossible, because calculation of approach and everything around it needed a full, at least an almost full bridge crew.

“But we can help you, can’t we? That is, we’ve been around here for quite some time.”

Torn out of her thoughts, Uhura looked at Dodo pondering and also a little grateful. Grateful because this little pet was willing to help. If they got out of this mess somehow, she would see to it that the hamsters were more involved into the bridge procedures. Some of them at least. She replied: “Unfortunately it’s too late to teach you the basicals but perhaps you have some idea what to do now.” She was silent for a moment and then explained: “We have to start the backup at once but the computer blocks access. We cannot do much, I’m afraid.”

“We’ve got to divert the computer”, Flecki shouted, “divert so much that you can take action again.”

“Ask him something about Hamstian history”, Taty grinned.

“Little bit of math…”, Tealeafy added.

“Let’s send him the mayor!”

All of a sudden the merry hamster chat stopped and they all looked at Goldi.

“How should that work?” Taty wondered. “He’s much to fat, we don’t get him through the cables!”

“That would not be the problem. Some time sago Scotty explained it to me”, Chekov thoughtfully said. “We need to do nothing but couple a scanner as input to the peripheral interface. The mayor could be transferred directly into the computer.”

“That’s too dangerous, Chekov, and we have no experience at all in that line…”

“Well, of course I put it like that”, the mayor interrupted the Enterprise-officer, “so to say as species september – er – member I’m used to be late – er – to debate with a certain other species. That means I’m absolutely agreeable to wobble to the mentioned winter space – er – interface.”

“Whatever you are talking about”, Uhura groaned, “the thing is too dangerous.”

“As mentioned from the closet – er – outset it is for me at the same time a pleasure and in a way to deputy the first con or second tact for all canmind – er – mankind…”

“Do it, Chekov”, Uhura cried, rolling her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, start at once!”

The Ensign nodded and put in some data. When he discovered that the main computer did not block the less important interfaces, he sighed in relief.

“Get yourself under the replicator”, he snapped at the mayor.

“Well, I – er – I’m not hungry in a day – er – way although of course regarding…”

“Get yourself under the replicator and stop babbling”, Chekov said in a furious whisper. “I hope you know your duties!”

“Yes, of course, and it is so to say…”

“All right, all right”, Uhura groaned, “you will talk about all that when you take up con and tact. And now get you gone!”

She gripped the mayor’s neck fur, carried him to the replicator and put him down there. At the same moment Chekov keyed in another command. There was a shrill buzzing and the mayor was gone.

“Cool!” Tealeafy marvelled. “May we borrow that unit? We’d like to take it to school and – er – show it to some of the teachers.”

At this moment the computer came in.

“Rooba? What’s on? Wham it!”

Ensign Chekov looked at Lt. Uhura, terrified. If the main computer switched off life functions as ‘punishment’, the matter became dangerous, mortal if the worse came to the worst. Uhura’s mind was racing but before she could say anything, Flecki saved the situation.

“You want to join the party, don’t you? The mayor in person is now taking the invitation to you.”

After a while which was like eternity the mossbeaver-computer came in again: “Wallaballa, join in! Hello! Hello? Who’s there?”

Silence. Hamsters and humans looked at one another helplessly and Flecki shouted: “Everything okay? Did the mayor arrive?”

Nobody answered. She tried again and again and finally shrugged. “Mayor seems to be there for why else should the computer say ‘Who’s there?’ and if the mayor has really arrived there, he’ll just yak at the mossbeaver…”

“…and he no longer minds us”, Uhura finished the sentence. She pointed at the main screen on which the surface of an unknown planet was looming by now. Clearly they could make out grey, porous landscapes and everybody on board realized that this was a cold, dead planet without oxygen and without means to survive.

“We’ve got to peel of at once!”

Chekov understood, his fingers were flying over the keys and spellbound he looked at what was happening on the screen.

Chapter 42

The Planet

“The planet…”

“The planet does not interest me at the moment, Ensign! Did we change course?”

“Change of course effective, new course…” Chekov skimmed the rest and leaned back in his chair, exhausted but content. “We made it, Lieutenant!”

“Better, the mayor made it, Chekov”, Uhura grinned. “I’d love to be a fly at the wall and listen to his talk with the mossbeaver-virus.”

“Better not”, Flecki grumbled. “Poor mossbeaver-virus, I really pity him. All alone, far from home and now also locked in a computer with the mayor, surrounded by cold technique…”

“Forgetting that the brute a few minutes ago wanted to abandon us on a cold planet, surrounded by vacuum?” Goldi snapped.

“But he did not know what he was doing, poor lad!” Flecki cried. “He urgently needs some resocialisation!”

“Sure, you’d better take him along to Hamsterton and introduce him to poor, criminal Goulash-Frodo. The two of them would be a cool and successful team!”

“Poor Frodo isn’t criminal, he is ill and needs help!”

“O yes?” Goldi shouted and put his paws to his hips. “He flattens all Hamsterton and if I once by bad luck scratch a traffic light…”

Uhura clicker her fingers. “May I say something?”

Reluctantly Flecki and Goldi interrupted their interesting discussion to listen to the Enterprise-officer. “Thank you, many thanks. We have to use the time the virus is diverted. Chekov, can you start the backup?”

“Any time, Lieutenant.”

“Fine, so we should…”

“Just a moment!” Flecki, Sasy, and Dasy had climbed onto Chekov’s desk. “No backup is started here!”

Bewildered, the Ensign looked at the three hamsters and then at Uhura. Now, what did this mean? “Er – why not?”

“Because”, Flecki retorted, “it is by no means certain that first the poor, innocent mossbeaver and second our mayor will take no harm. We are the ‘Save innocent creatures’-Group and herewith protest decidedly.”

“Aha.” Chekov swallowed and did not know whether to laugh or to scold. He decided to continue looking at the hamsters uncertainly and start side-glances looking for help.

“Nothing will happen to anyone”, Uhura now said who was not unprepared for this moment. A short time ago, after Flecki had to vehemently discussed with the Ensign whether a virus was a life form, she had noticed Flecki, Sasy, and Dasy standing together, whispering. These hamsters really were a miracle! She wondered what Spock and all his logic would say to this situation. He certainly would dismiss hamsters as completely illogical and not take notice of them. Had he even spoken to this… what was the name? Yes, this Hamstilidamst? Certainly not, it was impossible that a logical Vulcan mind wanted to have anything to do with hamsters – not talking of sympathy! The Enterprise-officer was war sure as to that.

“You will freeze them for ever and we are not going to permit that!” Dasy shouted. “Who knows if they survive and if they ever will be what they were!”

“Interesting idea regarding the mayor”, Goldi mumbled.

“You… you… you are so insensitive!” Flecki shrieked and wanted to fall on Goldi but Sasy held her back.

“Well”, Goldi continued, “your club should better wonder if not many more innocent lives kick the bucket if we do not silence that mad mossbeaver-virus.”

“Oh, and what would you say if you were such a poor, innocent virus?”

Goldi looked at Flecki and replied: “I had since long taken over the ship and taken care that no one gets in my way. Next I would have tested speed, reach and vigour of the torpedoes and then I would…”

“Thank you, that’s quite enough. I do not think that we would let you participate in our group due to your attitude because we are only acting on true moral and animal aspects…”

“And another aspect is time”, Uhura remarked. She had heard enough and thought it was time for action. “Chekov, can we afterwards free the mayor? What are the chances that neither the mossbeaver-virus nor the hamster-mayor are endangered?”

Within the last minutes Chekov had been crouching in his chair, now he straightened up again. “The chance that neither the mossbeaver-virus nor the hamster-mayor are endangered is very great. We are not talking about so-called analogue creatures but they are in a binary state, consisting of ones and zeros. As long as we do not delete them, nothing happens to them. Therefore all data are secured.”

“Perhaps some zeros of the mayor may be deleted”, Tealeafy proposed.

Uhura sighed loudly and turned to Chekov who noticed that she suddenly looked aged. Of course the Ensign did not mention this, he did not want to produce a crisis. “Chekov, how quickly can we free the mayor?”

Chekov shrugged. “No idea, perhaps we just try to find it out.”

His apt hands moved over the keys, he called up different menu-items, glanced over the choice and keyed in the corresponding commands. Finally he pressed ‘Enter’ and leaned back. “Done. It was as easy as Scotty always said. Now we only have to wait, but that might take a few hours.”

“Time for a party”, Goldi hopefully cried, running to the replicator. “Last meal is more than an hour ago!”

“The replicator cannot be used at the moment”, Chekov shouted.

Goldi stopped and very, very, very slowly turned. His black beady eyes showed an abyss of horror when he glared at the Ensign.

“We expect the return of the mayor”, Chekov said with a pitiless smile. “He disappeared via the replicator and he will come back via the replicator. We have to keep the entrance free. After that you can get new supplies.”

While grumbling Goldi returned to his smirking friends, some quiet settled on the bridge and Lt. Uhura said that it was time. “By the by, what was it you wanted to say about that planet before, Chekov?”

The smile suddenly vanished from his face and he looked severe. “How shall I put it”, he hesitatingly said. “That planet is – er – hostile.”

“Hostile?”

“Er, yes, Lieutenant, it’s dangerous.”

“Perhaps you’ve got some detailed information for me, Ensign, what do you mean?”

Helplessly, Chekov looked at the screen and shrugged.

“Well, if there’s no air to breath, the planet of course is dangerous for us”, Flecki remarked. “Every hamster knows that.” She looked at Dodo. “Well, almost every hamster.”

“If that planet wants too fool around with us, he gets some torpedoes!” Goldi shouted, doubling his little fists.

“The data”, Chekov mumbled, “they simply look threatening. Do take a look!”

Expectantly Uhura stepped to his side and looked at what alarmed the Ensign. As the hamsters could not do much with the numbers on the monitor, they had not climbed the desk. Instead they excitedly watched Uhura’s mimic and were not disappointed. Like a flash the frown had gone from the officer’s face, eyes and mouth wide open, she first goggled at the screen, then at her colleague, then at the screen again.

“Oh, my goodness!” she gasped. “I’ve never seen anything the like. That is… You are right, Chekov, this is spooky!”

“What it spooky?” Tealeafy shouted with a cackle. “Is the mayor stuck in the screen?”

The Ensign did not listen to the unqualified remark.

“It’s not really a black hole…”

“No, Chekov, it isn’t – but what in the world is it?”

“Obviously it consists of antimatter, Lieutenant, and… It grows with racing speed!”

“Antimatter?”

“Yes, Tuffy, it’s antimatter.” She looked at the little repair hamster and when she saw confusion in the hamster eyes, she added: “If antimatter meets matter, the complete mass is transformed to energy.”

“Like at school? I mean, if teacher threatens with imposition?”

“No, Taty, that’s quite another kind of energy”, Uhura said with the shade of a grin. She became serious again and continued her explanation. “If antimatter comes into contact with some matter object, the object vanishes.”

“Swell!” Goldi shouted. “Couldn’t we take along this antimatter to school and if a teacher…”

“You would not even get to school, because if you touch it, there no longer would be Goldi or antimatter. A short, strong energy thrust is all that remains.”

“No bad solution”, Flecki said under her breath.

“And if”, Goldi hissed, “one sends some of it to some certain person by mail, would this certain person vanish?”

“No problem”, Chekov grinned. “Wouldn’t work with a normal parcel, of course, but if you dissemble the matter-/antimatter-chamber of the Enterprise warp-core, it would work. Just don’t forget to put enough stamps onto it.”

They were quite at a loss on the bridge, then Uhura said: “Any news about the mayor?”

The Ensign shook his head.

“Okay, so we can do nothing but wait. However, this planet, Chekov, how fast does it grow and can it become a serious danger to us?”

A slow nod was the answer. “I’ve never seen anything the like, Lieutenant. The planet is expanding with 9.0 c, that is almost light speed. A few weeks ago it will have been the size of a ball.”

“And where did it come from?” chief Botchy now asked. “No one leaves something like that lying around.”

Once more the Ensign shrugged. “Crack in the space-time-continuum, worm hole, parallel universe, nobody can tell exactly. There are many things we just don’t know and never will know.”

“That’s what I always think at school…”

“Thanks for that valuable remark, Dasy”, Uhura grinned but a once became serious again and said to Chekov: “The expansion speed of this… antimatter planet almost matches light speed, that is impulse speed. As we are in some hundred light years distance of Earth, the planet would endanger mankind only in about one hundred years.”

“Perhaps if we fly a little faster”, once more the chief piped up. “I’m very willing to help with advice and action to adapt the drive…”

“Thanks, chief”, Uhura groaned, “with Warp 8 we are already 2,000 times faster than light. That should do.”

“The problem however is”, Chekov now said, “that nobody can foretell what kind of influence this has on mankind and our future. And on hamsterkind of course”, he added after a short pause. The section of influence of this antimatter planet will grow with its dimension so that even a distance of 100 light years might not be safe.”

“And if we just blow up that oddball?”

“That’s it, Goldi”, Taty cried, “perhaps that’s what the mossbeaver-virus wanted!”

“And the mossbeaver-virus was no computer virus but…” Flecki swallowed and looked around to her friends. Then she glanced at the officers and whispered: “Plushum.”

Nothing but the low purr of some computer. Deadly silence on the bridge, nobody said a word. They all looked at Uhura who was in command. She knew that everybody waited for her comment but she, too, was dumbfounded. “No, chaps, that’s a little too much speculation, you cannot explain everything away with the Plushum. Even if we’d try to blow up the planet as Goldi to prettily proposes – where shall we get the energy? It will not be done with a few torpedoes.”

“But we’ve got the gerbil vessel. Couldn’t we help?”

“Er, thanks a lot, but I don’t think that your weapons can do much there.”

“The mayor!”

“No, Tuffy, he neither…” Uhura broke off and suddenly understood what the little hamster meant. Like all others she turned towards the replicator because something was happening there. The light blue gleam beneath the unit changed to dark blue and a small figure became visible. It was almost unbearably thrilling and for the time being nobody thought of the deathly threat from the antimatter planet. A sigh went down the lines when they saw the smiling face of the mayor. Then he toppled over and did not get up again.

“Well, he isn’t much of a help!”

Goldi and his friends surrounded the lying mayor and looked helpless.

“That’s the shock of rematerializing”, Ensign Chekov explained. “The brain has to take up a huge lot of information and that might lead to loss of consciousness. We have to be patient and wait until he comes to.”

“This being proof that he has got a brain after all”, Tealeafy said, nudging Taty. Both hamsters cackled loudly until they felt the stern glance of Uhura upon them.

“Can you check whether there are signs of the mossbeaver-virus still in the system?”

Like so often before, Chekov shrugged. “No idea what to look for. If it’s still there, it’s backed up, frozen in a way.”

“Well, I know how to check it!”

Uhura glanced up to the ceiling, Chekov grinned broadly, Goldi applauded delightedly, and the rest looked at Dodo without much interest.

Dodo stepped forward, cleared his throat and shouted: “Computer, is the mossbeaver-virus at home?”

“Please define mossbeaver-virus!” answered the polite voice.

“You see? That is: You hear?” Dodo crowed. “The computer knows no mossbeaver-virus, so there can’t be a mossbeaver-virus any longer, can there?”

“Thank you, Dodo”, Uhura sighed, “you are most convincing. Perhaps you also have some idea what to do with the antimatter planet – no?” She turned to Chekov. “We should return to Earth full power. The earlier we are there, the earlier we can contact Captain Kirk. This is out of our league.”

The Ensign gave a short nod and turned to his station. After checking the items for a long distance flight, he said: “Our time for maximum Warp is limited, of course. After 12 hours at the latest we have to give her a rest or the Enterprise will explode in our faces.”

“Chin up, Chekov, up to now the Warp engines worked perfectly.”

“Correct, Lieutenant, up to now. We have however made quite a distance without maintenance and a long way ahead of us. So let’s hope that all goes well.”

“As mentioned before, I am at your disposal for smaller repairs. I am after all no greenhorn in this area and want to hint meekly to the fact that I constructed and mounted the first prototype of Hamsterton Airlines.”

The Enterprise-officer of course noticed the giggling of the other hamsters, but stress was written into her face and she did not feel like laughing.

“Thanks, many thanks!” she gasped, took a deep breath and shouted: “Energy!”

Just when Ensign Chekov wanted to initiate the start, a resolute, if for human ears low voice shouted: “Hold it! Stop machines at once!”

Irritated, the two officers looked at a hamster who out of nothing had emerged on the helm’s desk and pointed at Chekov’s head with a phaser. “We’ll fly nowhere, got me?”

“Now listen, you litte puffed-up busybody, I will… Ouch!”

With a grimace of pain Lt. Uhura gripped her shoulder and had trouble not to sink. Holding to the desk with one hand so that her knees did not gave way, she pressed the other hand to her aching shoulder. Groaning, she fell into a chair and breathed deeply. Ensign Chekov like a flash grasped at hamster plus phaser but he was too slow. An outcry and the officer was lying on the floor, groaning.

The mayor climbed down from the desk of the navigator and made for the Captain’s chair. When he passed the frightened hamsters, a trembling voice called out: “Everything all right, Mr. Mayor?”

“Certainly”, came the prompt answer, “everything is according to schedule. I’m sorry for those two, but don’t worry, I know what I’m doing, trust me!” He spurted on until he had reached the Captain’s chair and climbed it. He could not hear Flecki’s whisper:

“For goodness sake – we are lost!”

“But if he says that he knows what he’s doing?”

“Dodo, Dodo, did you forget what happened last time?” Tealeafy moaned.

“But he said that we shall trust him!” Dodo retorted.

“Keep cool, Tealeafy”, Goldi grinned, “Dodo has a different way of thinking. Dodo after all has 25 bones more than normal hamsters.”

“Why that?”

“Dodo’s brain works mechanically.”

Except Flecki, who was not amused, and except Dodo, who did not understand the joke, all hamsters giggled. The mayor of course also did not laugh as now he was sitting on the Commander’s chair and pondered. Neither did Uhura and Chekov laugh but stood around in a baffled fashion, looked at the laughing hamsters and back to the mayor.

“What’s now wrong again with the chap?” Chekov whispered. “Did this time in the computer confuse him that much?”

“I do not know, Chekov. I think something different is going on there. The whole matter… this antimatter planet, the peculiar mossbeaver-virus, that’s uncanny. Let’s be on our guard not to mess things up.”

“You mean…”, Chekov‘s brows went up, he looked for words. “You mean, something else is behind this. Some superior being?”

“Look about you, Chekov. A hamster commands the Enterprise. Any more questions?”

The Ensign silently shook his head. No, he had no more questions, he was looking for answers. Where did that little pal get the weapon? After the hamsters’ return from the gerbil planet, Lt. Uhura had collected the mini-weapons and secretly put them beside one of the energy supply panels. A quick, apt hamster might have got there in an unwatched moment – but the mayor? Out of question.

“Did you not hear my order, navigator?”

Chekov came out of his thoughts and goggled at the mayor.

“But I don’t know anything”, Dodo whimpered.

The mayor looked at him with an incredible expression. “That is not necessary, you are not the responsible navigator!”

“Oh, that is good”, Dodo gasped in relief. “I thought I should do it and I don’t know anything because…”

“Shut up!”

“All right, Mr. Mayor, but if I’m no longer navigator – what am I?”

“First, you address me Commander…” A background sigh from Lt. Uhura was audible. “…second you are on stand by, got that?”

“Okay, May… - er – Commander, I will stand by so keenly, you will be surprised and…”

“Shut up – just shut up!”

“All right, Commander, I will shut up as no one has ever seen before. And stand by, of course…”

Dodo shut up finally when the Mayor-Commander directed his weapon at him.

“Time is short, damned shot, and I won’t be bothered by any Dodo-stuff. Navigator, take action: Machines stop and initiate turning!”

Chekov helplessly looked at Uhura whose face showed the signs of strain. She seemed to ask herself in what sort of situation they had got themselves. This peculiar virus trying to steel the Enterprise into the planet – and the planet as such! It seems to be an immense threat, greater perhaps than they could guess at the moment. And like being called in, a hamster, of all hamsters the mayor, ‘changed’ to something calling himself ‘commander’! All this could not be a coincidence. Very slowly she nodded towards the navigator and signalled him the follow the order.

“Very shrewd of you, Lieutenant”, the Mayor-Commander remarked and lowered his weapon. “I’m dependent of the cooperation of each of you, and who does not play along will have to take the responsibility.” He pointed at a little red switch fastened to his fur. “If need be, I will blast the vessel!”

“Ship stopped, ready for tacking”, the Ensign reported after he had glimpsed at Uhura for reassurance that he was to follow the order of the self-appointed commander.

“Very good”, the Mayor-Commander said, directing his glance to the bridge-ceiling. “Now turn and got to impulse, course to the nearest planet.”

“But Sir, that is the antimatter planet…”

“I am aware of that, Navigator, do you have a problem with it?”

“I have indeed”, Chekov said with a pained smile. “I have not desire to be pulverized or dissolved.”

“Don’t worry”, the Mayor-Commander retorted and with his free hand – in his other hand was the weapon – polished the little red switch at his fur. “No one will be pulverized. If matter collides with antimatter, your mass is completely changed into energy, nothing is lost there. The problem are waves of the changed particles. If the waves are altered after the change, you, Ensign, will certainly look quite different from before.

“Not like a hamster”, Chekov mumbled.

“Most unlikely, more over the mass is not the same”, the Mayor-Commander explained.

“Want to talk our ears of or what’s in your mind?” chief Botchy grumbled and the other hamsters nodded in agreement.

“Is the any problem?” the Mayor-Commander asked and played with his weapon.

“Er – not really”, Botchy gave in and the other hamsters shook their heads in agreement.

“It’s like this”, Dodo explained, “I for example am quite content with my looks and need no waves.”

“What about curls?” Dasy cried. “My hairdresser says that would look pretty on me.”

“I’d like my fur fully so that my figure shows off better!” Tuffy longingly said.

“Around the hips I wish for a little less…”

“Shut your gobs, all of you!” came a roar from the Captain’s chair. “We’ll now take course to that planet and I tell you again that I know what I’m doing and you have no idea what all this is about.”

Lt. Uhura nodded once more when Chekov looked at her. He keyed in the necessary commands.

“We’ve got to do something or we’ll have hell to pay!”

“What’s your idea, Flecki?” the chief grumbled. “That lad is armed.”

“We distract him”, Goldi whispered. “Make some show with your dancing group while Trample and I creep up to him. If we can’t distract him, we’ll try plan B. That is, Dodo talks his ears of.”

“And if that also doesn’t work? Plan C, or what?” Taty asked.

“Yea, plan C, that is the chief goes to the replicator and messes around there. That will distract the mayor.”

“Messing around is Botchy’s specialty after all. But what if that doesn’t work either?”

Goldi looked at Tealeafy for a moment and said: “Well, plan D then, that is: We start a brawl. If the mayor intervenes, we thrash him.”

“I like that one best”, Flecki agreed. “And if that does not work either?”

“Then”, Goldi groaned, “we need plan E. We storm at him from two sides and take him.”

“But he’s got a weapon”, Dodo lamented.

“That’s why we come from two sides. And if that does not work, our last chance will be plan F.”

“Plan F?” Trample gasped. “Please don’t tell me, that some volunteer has to fall upon that mad mayor!”

“No, no!” Goldi soothed him. “Plan F is special great: We’ll just smash everything and cannot fly on!”

“All right, but let us start now!” Flecki hissed.

“Er – with A, B, C – or what?”

“A of course, Dodo!”

“Could you please repeat the items very slowly, Goldi, I don’t get the difference between B and D.”

“Later, Dodo, and you have nothing to do with A!”

Immediately Sasy, Dasy, Tuffy, and Taty began to dance while Goldi and Botchy slowly moved into the opposite direction.

For some time the Mayor-Commander did not seem to take notice of the dancing group and finally he shouted: “Whatever that is, stop it.” With a speed no one had expected of him, he jumped up and pointed his weapon at something behind his chair. “Forget it, Goldi, if you don’t want to end as a smoke sign!”

Grumbling, Goldi trudged back to his starting point and kicked Botchy’s bum. “Why didn’t you follow me, you twerp? As two we’d have better chances!”

“Er – of an impulse I decided for plan A, section 1 – to cover the retreat.”

Furiously, Goldi looked at the chief engineer and growled: “O well, so it’s plan B now!”

“I hardly can wait”, Tuffy whispered, looking at Goldi with big eyes.

“That’s the advantage with hamsters”, Goldi whispered back, “we always have a plan in reserve which… Hey, Dodo, will you stop thrashing Trample?”

“Yes”, Dodo said who was sitting on Trample, working him with his fists, “but now it’s plan B with the brawl, isn’t it?”

“Fool!” Flecki hissed. “That’s plan D! Plan B says that you now jabber to the mayor.”

“Sorry, Trample.” Dodo rose, red-headed, and slowly walked towards the Mayor-Commander. Arrived there, still red-headed, he looked up to him uncertainly.

“What’s the matter?” the Mayor-Commander snapped at him. “What’s your problem?”

The big hamster stood mute and saw with growing fear how the Mayor-Commander polished the red switch on his fur. Then he ran back to his friends, squeaking.

“It’s plan C now, isn’t it?” Taty grinned. “How many letters has the alphabet, by the way?”

“I’ll show you how a real pro does it”, chief Botchy grunted and moved towards the replicator. He had folded his arms, waggled leisurely and whistled a tune. However, he did not get far with that tactic because he could hear the warning voice of the Mayor-Commander who had taken notice of Botchy’s catwalk.

“Hey, pug, whatever you have in mind – forget it!”

“Boss, your are back from your pro-mission plan C quicker than Dodo from plan B!”

“He called me a pug, he of all hamsters!” the chief furiously gasped and walked up to Tuffy with an ugly grin. “Are we not heading to genius-plan D? Dodo, continue with Trample, I’ll take Tuffy!”

“We should think over plan D”, Flecki proposed. “Mayor does not appear daft enough to climb down from his chair to mingle in a brawl. And there also is not much sense in plan E to run up to him. He will shoot us all down.”

“Then nothing remains but plan F and Goldi and Botchy creep up to him”, Dodo said.

“That had been plan A, Dodo, failed long ago!” Flecki shouted and shook her head.

“Wasn’t that item D?” Trample asked.

“Nope”, Tealeafy remarked, “D was smashing everything!”

“Nuts, that was E!”

“No, E was F, the other one was D!”

“E!”

“A!”

“D!”

“No, B!”

“F!”

“He called me pug!”

“Lieutenant, do you have any idea what our hamsters are up to?”

“None, Chekov, but for an instant I thought they had a plan, then they looked like a brawl and now… No, I really don’t know what they are up to and don’t want to know.”

“Machines stop, we are close enough!” the Mayor-Commander now shouted. “Go into orbit but keep a distance, I don’t want to go in there once more!”

Chekov nodded and instructed the computer accordingly. “What does he mean, he doesn’t want to go in there once more?” he whispered to his colleague who only shrugged.

“I say, it’s peculiar. We have no idea what is behind this. I’ll try to find out if the hamsters know anything.” She made a few slow steps towards the hamsters and whispered to the next one: “Do you know what’s going on here?”

“Well, it’s like this”, Dodo said, “it isn’t plan A because B does not work and neither C. D was not B and F dropped out.”

Confused and shaking her head Uhura returned to helm’s.

“Well, what did he say?” Chekov curiously asked and looked at her expectantly.

“You wouldn’t want to know it, Chekov. Just take care that we don’t get too close to the planet and are swallowed.”

“…wouldn’t want to know it”, Chekov mumbled, comparing the latest data and slightly correcting the course.

“That’s it, Navigator, that course is correct now.”

Baffled, the Ensign looked at the hamster on the Captain’s chair who without any computer assistance knew that the course was correct now. Chekov shook his head with a sigh – why did everybody know more than he?

By now the antimatter planet could be made out clearly on the main screen. What had looked like a porous, grey surface new emerged as a kind of veil, here and there opening a view to a deep black mass. What could be seen in those spots made all of them shudder. The black was black enough to be hell’s gate.

“Navigator, counter-steer a little, we are drawn by that immense gravity.”

Chekov hurried to execute the Mayor-Commanders order and took a look at the data which were updated every 1.5 seconds on his monitor. Baffled, he noticed that this hamster without any instruments had earlier noticed the necessity for a course correction than the ship’s navigator. This time he needed no eye-contact to his superior officer to know that he had to counter-steer. Again and again his glance wandered to the main screen and with fascination he glared at the deep black mass.

“Navigator, would you mind to have your eyes on the displays and not on the landscape?”

“Well, really”, Sasy nagged, “the mayor is right, the guy is to navigate and not to watch TV.” Chekov, grumbling and anger smoldering in his gut, concentrated on the data.

“He’s getting careless”, chief Botchy agreed, “I’ve noticed it before.”

“And he appears somewhat unmotivated”, Dasy added, “so that it’s really a shame.”

“Well, we should exchange him quickly”, Goldi said with an impish grin. “Dodo is still on stand-by, aren’t you, Dodo?”

“Would that be plan F or plan H?” Dodo asked with helpless expression.

“Z rather”, Tealeafy shouted, “so to say the last, the very last letter!”

Loud cackling showed him that the hamsters had got the joke, except Dodo of course who scratched his head and mumbled: “Could someone explain this plan Z to me?”

“Lieutenant Uhura!” came the voice out of the Captain’s chair and everybody looked expectantly at the hamster sitting there. “How many torpedoes and how many phaser-banks are ready?”

The Enterprise-officer thought a moment, then said: “The Enterprise is not on battle-mission, so it’s minimum armament.”

“Numbers, please, Lieutenant!”

Uhura took a deep breath, let it out audibly and watching the Mayor-Commander sharply, she replied: “12 Type X phaser-banks, half of them equipped, furthermore 3 torpedo-launchers of capacity 275, but we’ve got no more than 50 aboard.”

“Torpedo-launchers are class 1 or 2?”

“They are class 2 photon-torpedo-launchers.”

The Mayor-Commander slowly shook his head and thoughtfully studied the main screen. He seemed to think things over and everybody looked at him, thrilled. He rose and walked up and down the seat, a sight which normally would have made the two officers laugh. For the time being no one felt like laughing.

“Mass of the Enterprise, Lieutenant?”

“397,805 metric tons”, was the prompt answer of Uhura.

Once more the Mayor-Commander shook his head, turned his eyes from the main screen and scrutinized Uhura. “That will not do either. There is only the matter-/antimatter reactor. Do you have full capacity of Dilithium-cristals at least?”

“Yes, but…”

“How quickly can the warp-core be removed?”

“The warp-core?” Uhura’s question was more like a gasp. “We will not get back home without the warp-core.”

“You need not worry, Lieutenant, you have my word that you will be able to return to Earth even without warp-core. There are means you do not know.”

“Fine”, Uhura retorted, having gained a little control over herself, “and what you do not know is the following: Our Captain and the rest of the crew plus one hamster are at this time stuck on Earth.”

“We will take up your people in time – my promise. Did you understand me, Lieutenant?”

“Certainly”, Uhura snapped, “but you did not understand. Our staff are stuck in another time period. If we pick them up, we will not get back to our time without warp speed. We do not belong to this time period.”

There was a short silence, then the Mayor-Commander nodded slowly. He stopped pacing the seat and only glared at the screen where the threatening black seemed to grow constantly. After a few seconds which were like eternity, he turned to the Enterprise-officers and the hamsters and in a firm voice said:

“So there is only one way to rescue the universe!”

Chapter 43

Dee-eep

Nobody on Earth, not to talk about Scotland had an inkling of the dangerous and dramatic situation the Enterprise faced. In Altnaharra there was but one problem: To calm a hamster who did not want, and very loudly did not want the brother of his mayor come to Hamsterton.

However, the fit made Sppock thoughtful. The Federation's Prime Directive said not to interfere with strange cultures. Nothing was urged upon them and nothing was taken from them. Literally, Jim Kirk had offended the Prime Directive. He saddled Hamsterton with a Balthasar which Hamsterton very obviously did not want for the life of them. As matter of fact, the Captain had to accept this.

Finally the Vulcan took the only measure which seemed to him promising to sooth a hamster. He hurried to the house where they were to spend the night and put a scone into Hamstilidamst's box. Hamstilidamst was so terribly shocked at the idea of having Balthasar in Hamsterton that a scone was the one and only means to divert his thoughts.

"Listen to me", Spock began calmly. "They brought in something like a suit against Balthasar. After that he no longer was president and Bombo asked for proposals what to do with him. The outpost hamsters wanted to spank him several times. Balthasar certainly would have been severely injured. – Jim offered to take Balthasar with him in the space ship and take him to his brother, your mayor."

"We – don't – want – him!"

"I absolutely comprehended this", Spock dryly replied. "On the one hand it was not correct that Jim took this decision without asking Hamsterton. On the other hand you cannot make the decision for all Hamsterton. And what should have happened with Balthasar in the meantime?"

Hamstilidamst silently munched away his scone. If he remembered correctly, the humans were quite pissed that this Vulcan always was right. And he was pissed, too, now. The officers were to be on the side of Hamsterton, dammit, and leave them alone with that daft Balthasar.

"If we get Balthasar, all Hamsterton has to go to the pisscatrist I bet", he grumbled.

"Did you not mention that Hamsterton is the capital and there are other towns as well?"

"Yep, there's Hamsterjelly and Hamster… Ey!" Hamstilidamst cried, reviving very suddenly. "Taerg, taerg! We take him along and shunt him off."

"How about deciding this collectively?"

"We make an investigation commission, sure, and I'll tell everybody how it went and I convince them that we don't want Balthasar. That's good, ain't it?"

"It is then your decision."

"But Jim didn't mean any harm, did he?"

"I am very certain, he did not", Spock replied.

At that moment a pebble was thrown at the window. The Vulcan got up and looked out. His colleagues were standing down there and beckoned him to open the door. When they had left he had taken the key and there seemed to be only one.

"Well, did you sooth him?" the Captain asked when Spock opened the front door.

"With difficulties, Jim. – You offended the Prime Directive."

"I – what?"

"Oops!" Dr. McCoy said. "Right. Can't simply saddle somebody with Balthasar."

"None wanna ha’ poor Balthasar", Scotty lamented.

It was obvious that the officers had taken, beside baked mushroom toast, some alcohol. The Vulcan had accompanied his friends on more than one shore leave and knew them in this condition. So he did not argue with them now as it would not have made much sense.

When he came back from the bathroom, he slipped into the bed, wondered whether Daby would be able to lay her hands on the runway lights in time, then he slept. Hamstilidamst had no great desire to romp about tonight. He also thought of Daby and the Big Boss and the new BANTACH-President. He thought of his friends on the Enterprise and he even began to think of his home in Hamsterton.

Some time he, too, fell asleep and only woke up when the officers rumbled about in the room, shook up the bed covers, trumped to the bathroom and made all the noise they made every morning. He was sitting very still and wondered whether he would miss them when he was back in Hamsterton. Well, perhaps for a little while but not as much as he had missed his own hamster-friends all the time.

"Breakfast?" Lt. Scott asked. "Hungry, Hamstilidamst? Or is 't just a daft question?"

"That's just a daft question", Hamstilidamst politely replied. "I'd like Cornflakes."

"I bet we can do something there. Let's see what our hosts think about hamsters at the breakfast table", McCoy grinned, took up the box and handed the rucksack to Kirk.

As it was, this was no problem. In the breakfast room at fat pug lay panting in front of the fireplace, a cage with two canaries was hanging in a corner and on the window sill a cat sat washing herself. A hamster was not much there. Just for safety the officers left him in the box and with a cat and a dog in the same room Hamstilidamst did not protest.

"Dee-eep!" it sounded from somewhere.

The officers looked around but found no source for the noise. Scotty put a handful of cornflakes into the box and Hamstilidamst fell on them.

"Dee-eep!"

Their hostess came in with the coffee pot, wished them a good morning and asked if the breakfast was all right.

"Dee-eep!"

"And perhaps you could answer your mobile", she added.

"Dee-eep!"

"Mobile?" Dr. McCoy asked, baffled.

"I would say ye've hidden it in your rucksack", their hostess said and mumbled as she left: "Always the same. Let them things ring till ye get mad."

"Dee-eep!"

"Mobile!" the Capain repeated with a broad grin. "As if we… O my God! The mobile's ringing. The mobile. Our mobile!"

"They're here!" Scotty cheered. "The mobile's ringing!"

Then they all fell onto the rucksack and began to rummage it. Spock who had not have anything to eat yesterday evening, calmly continued his breakfast. Hamstilidamst did not understand all the excitement and munched flakes.

"Dammit, who's packed that bloody rucksack?!" Scotty swore. "Where are those mobiles?!"

"This is a problem which regularly comes up with roomy, not segmented containers", the Vulcan started a speech. "Smaller objects tend to slip by the movement…"

"Shut up!" Dr. McCoy hissed.

"Dee-eep!"

"Here! Here in the front pocket."

"Indeed. As I assumed that within the next days probably a quick access would be necessary…"

"Did you make this knot?!" the Captain furiously interrupted him. "I don't get it… Yes, now."

"Can you tell me what's the matter with them?" Hamstilidamst inquired.

"Of course. The Enterprise has arrived.”

"True? TRUE!" bawled the hamster.

"True", Spock replied in a voice of long endurance.

For reasons they could not have named, the humans ran out into the street to take the call there. By now the permanent "Dee-eep!" had stopped and without success the Captain tried to reach the ship with his mobile. Dead sure up there a desperate Uhura was sitting who certainly believed them all dead.

He could not know that due to the rescue of the universe a lot of technical break downs had occurred after which a number of operations had to be made before the com-officer could home in to another unit. During these operations the other unit was dead and she could also receive no call from it. Until on the ship that complicated job had been done, also Lt. Spock came into the street, bringing along the pet box and listening to the desperate debate of his colleagues.

"Where's the Dee-eep?" Hamstilidamst excitedly asked. "Did they fly off?"

"Lieutenant Uhura does not give up that easily, Hamstilidamst, don't worry."

"But I want to worry!"

"I noticed it more than once. There are numerous situations where some discipline…"

"Dee-eep!"

This time the noise came from Spock's own mobile and he had been sensible enough to carry it in his trouser pocket. He was in a surprising haste to get at it, but when he did, Kirk was quicker. He snatched it from his First Officer, pressed the "On"-button and shouted:

"Uhura, is that you?"

"Who else?" the Vulcan mumbled.

"Captain Kirk! Yes, it's Uhura. O my God, I'm relieved to hear your voice. How are you? Are you all in good health?"

"We're swell, but what was the matter with the Enterprise all the time?"

"O well… It was quite something different. – Hum?" they heard her voice. "O yes, Sir, I'm to ask how Hamstilidamst is."

"He may tell you himself", the Captain grinned.

In the meantime Spock had taken the hamster out of the box and placed him on Kirk's shoulder. Now Kirk held the mobile under his nose.

"Helo-o-o-o!" Hamstilidamst yelled. "Hello, anybody there?"

"'course somebody's there", Lt. Scott grunted. "The best Somebody there is."

"Hamstilidamst, are you well? Did you get enough to eat? Have the people been kind to you?"

"Flecki! Ay, I'm swell, I just had cornflakes."

"Cornflakes!" Flecki repeated. "Why didn't we think of that? Uhura, does the unit also make cornflakes?"

"I think that's not that important just now", they heard the voice of the com-officer. "Sir, we have much to report and would get you up this instant, but we've got a problem."

"The transporter doesn't work", the Captain retorted.

"Yes, how do you know?"

"A witch has seen it in her cristal globe."

Silence on the other end, then the voice was back – very troubled.

"Sir, are you sure that you're all right?"

Spock simply took the mobile from Kirk.

"Spock here, Miss Uhura. The landing party is healthy in body and mind. This was not the case in every phase of our stay and there have been several events which were unusual…"

"Now stop jabbering", Dr. McCoy interrupted him and snatched the mobile from him. "Hullo, Uhura. If I hear that correctly you overcame the effect of the laughing gas?"

"Yes, Doctor. Chekov and I will report but I think we will be very grateful to the Captain if the report will not be officially in the logbook. We partly behaved really…"

"…idiotic", came the voice of Pavel Chekov. "We could be glad that the gas did not effect the hamsters at all."

"Ay!" Now Lt. Scott had taken the mobile. "We partly also had nae known what tae do wi’out Hamstilidamst. Anyhow, ’t would've been quite a bore. – Pavel, how's Engineering?"

"Erm!" said the Russian. "Yes, well… It would be good to have you here, Mr. Scott."

"May I get that transmitter back now?" Kirk nagged and the Chief handed it to him. "Listen, you two. You've get to land the Enterprise here. When Scotty is back on board, he'll repair everything needing a repair, bust first the ship has to touch down here."

Somewhere in the background wild noises were audible, nothing was audible from the two officers for quite a while. Then Flecki's voice clearly said "Now will you shut up, you numbheads!" and also the background voices were silent.

“Er, yes, Sir, we guessed something like that”, Lt. Uhura hesitatingly said because she had no idea how the Captain would take her next sentence. “And because that it not that easy for a two-crew, the hamsters will assist us.”

“Who will help you?” the Captain bawled and the Vulcan lifted an eyebrow.

“She said that the hamsters will assist them, Jim. What is so very absurd in that?”

The following silence had is reason in the fact that the Captain was seriously thinking and that on the ship the com-officer’s jaw had dropped. That certainly was a question she had not expected from Lt. Spock. Kirk made a crash course of remembering what they had lived with Hamstilidamst. Now he made a dismissive gesture.

“Let’s wait and see, Uhura. "Where are you at the moment?"

"Over Earth moon's north pole", Chekov said. "We cannot be localized from Earth."

"Ne’er fear, laddie", Lt. Scott said and the Captain handed him the mobile. "We'll prepare everythin’ down here. Just take care tha’ t’ com is nae botched wi’ – by some chief or t’ like. In twelve hours we'll get ye down and ye'll get all t’ assistance there is. Ay, we'll do that a' right."

"Just a minute", said Kirk. "Uhura, is the mayor in command?"

"Er – he had in the beginning", she meekly said, “and then…”

"Switch over to him", the Captain interrupted her who up to now had no idea how his officers had fared with the Mayor-Khan-Plushum-Commander.

"I'll get him", Chekov said, then Flecki's voice came again.

"Perhaps at last he stops sitting on that chair and talking rubbish."

"O my God!" Bones mumbled and gave a speaking look to the paling Captain Kirk.

"Mayor is here, Sir", Chekov said.

"Mayor", Kirk gnarled in his most official voice. "After you proved completely incompetent as temporary commander of the Enterprise, I enact directive 1158, paragraph 29, section c), line c)34. Accordingly I take the command from you and take over again. Following the named item of the directive I can do so although I am not on board. Until the time of my return to the Enterprise I name Lieutenant Uhura as First Officer. She has to take care that each of my orders is followed. In case you try to mingle, she puts you into the brig."

A sound of "Erm!" came from the transmitter and a big shout of "Taerg! Taerg!" Another hamster voice came in and Hamstilidamt cheered around on Kirk's shoulder. It was Goldi.

"Ey, doesn't matter if that dork mingles or not, we put him into the brig anyway. That's a first rate idea, we should have it ages ago."

"Goldi, Goldi!" shrieked Hamstilidamst. "We had super adventures and we get a painting and I'll be world famous. Do you have scones, too? They've fired Balthasar and we all meet here with Daby and the Big Boss and Veitli. Here in Clebrig."

"Ey, since when d'ye jabber that much? Clebrig like brig of clay?"

"Yes, 'xactly. And… Hey!!"

Lt. Scott had taken him from Kirk's shoulder. At the moment there were more important things to talk about than all their adventures. The three humans had a permanent grin on their faces, only the Vulcan stood there like rooted and glared at the petrol station beyond the street. The Captain discussed a few details but now they could always take up contact again and they had a lot of work to do here. When he handed the mobile to Lt. Spock, he noticed his expression.

"What's on, Spock?"

"Jim, neither the directive nor one of the sections you quoted on disposal of command do exist."

"What, you don't know that directive?" the Captain asked in a baffled voice, and Bones smirked.

"No, Sir, and I recapitulated the complete Starfleet protocols.”

"You should read again, my dear chap. That's the directive coming into force if hamster mayors unrightfully take command over a vessel. And you don't know that?!"

Spock's eyebrow went up. Lt. Scott laughingly patted the Doctor's shoulder and Hamstilidamst produced some summersaults until he crashed down onto the main road of Altnaharra.

Except the Vulcan they all were so slaphappy and delighted that they almost got into trouble. Everything had to be prepared for the landing of the Enterprise and just when they wanted to set out, a quite angry looking middle-aged lady blocked their way and told them that they had not paid their rooms.

Dr. McCoy who still held the cash, apologized a hundred times and paid much more than the rooms cost. From this evening on they no longer needed a cent or penny or which currency was just in somewhere. This evening they could leave their rucksack with everything they had bought here.

"But not the painting", Hamstilidamst protested.

"No, not the painting, of course."

"And if from your money you would pay a round of scones, then… then…"

"…it would be a really good investment", Dr. McCoy finished the sentence. "Boy, I'd like to call the Enterprise right again. I want to know that they're really here."

"Is there any reason to doubt this, Doctor?" Spock asked.

"No, but… Oh, you don't understand that, you greenblooded peak-ear."

"People! Silence!" the Captain warned. "We've got to check on the landing spot."

"And meet Daby", Hamstilidamst reminded him.

"Just so. I wonder if she succeeded to get enough chains of light."

So they walked to the stone circle. Arriving there, they stopped, quite baffled. For the officers this looked like a model aircraft exhibition. For the hamsters it was a complete aircraft pool standing outside the stone circle. Dozens of hamsters were busy unloading. It was quite a bustle.

"Anybody see Bombo?"

"Nae, Sir", Lt. Scott replied, "but I propose tae sit down on a stone a little aside. Ye dunnae want to step onto a hamster by chance."

"Goodness, of course not. – Hamstilidamst, would you go to look for the executive suit?"

"Can’t see anything of the kind ", Hamstilidamst said, looking around for some villa or the like.

"Jim does not talk about a suit to live in", the Vulcan explained. “You are to look for Bombo, Veitli, and Daby.”

"Can I tell them that the Enterprise arrived?" Hamstilidamst cheerfully asked, happy to be the first one to convey such a message.

"For sure", the Captain replied. "And tell them, they need not stow away all that stuff. We will need it tonight."

Unerringly, the hamster found Daby and the new president who controlled the unloading. Nothing was to be seen of the Big Boss. When Hamstilidamst told what had happened, Veitli immediately passed on the news to the outpost Clebrig staff. All hamsters interrupted their work for a tiny party. Well, they might if they were spared the labour to drag all the material into the outpost-system below the stone circle.

"And what does this mean?"

All hamsters froze for out of nowhere the Big Boss and his four bodyguards had shown up. President Veitli reported to him.

"Senor Hamstilidamst, guide me. Veitli, Senorita Daby, you accompany me", said the Big Boss and added: "And nobody has any reason to interrupt this most important work. The next party will take place when the mission is finished."

Well, a party could be expected, after all. And when these bipeds were gone, there would be party material lying, standing, and hanging about like no hamster in all Scotland had ever seen at one spot. And as the former President Balthasar got no chance to eat away the outpost-supplies, there would be munching without end. This did not mean that they liked the work any better but there was something to look forward to.

In the meantime the four most important hamsters had reached the officers. They assembled on a stone beside the one the officers were sitting on and the Big Boss said:

"I hear that your space ship had arrived and you will leave tonight. Congratulations!"

"Thanks", the Captain replied. "We're most relieved. And we are very glad that the transport of the runway lights worked that well."

"Don't mention it", Daby said with unfamiliar modesty.

"We have a big number of light chains at our disposal now", Bombo remarked, “moreover two dozens of signal rockets."

"Wow!" Dr. McCoy cried. "Someone’s thought along there."

"Are the chains of light compatible?" Lt. Spock inquired.

"Hum?" Hamstilidamst was nonplussed. "Why should they be competeable? With whom shall they compete?"

"I want to know whether the single circuits can be connected with each other without causing a power breakdown."

"Yes", Daby nodded, "it's the standard Scottish Hamsterparty-Equipment."

"Oh!" said Bones. "And what about power? Have you got any here?"

"'t ish no mosshback outposht ", President Veitli protested. "'t only ish so for the humans."

"Quite right", the Big Boss took the word again. "To Senorita Daby's knowledge we have 200 human-metres light chains here. Furthermore two HamHelis are on site which have to be equipped correspondingly."

"200 metres light chains?!" Lt. Scott cried. "Ay, ye know how tae make parties."

"Party is an integrated part of the hamstian gene pool", Bombo replied and without exception they all goggled at him.

"Er", the Capain stuttered. "Yes. That explains a lot."

"When we're off, it's party time here", Hamstilidamst announced.

He glared at Bones and Bones got the message. There was money enough to buy scones for the outpost-party and the complete Enterprise-crew as well. Party was to be expected there, too, after all. He nodded and winked at Hamstilidamst and Hamstilidamst grinned broadly.

However, he stopped soon. Everybody thought it a good idea that he stayed here and helped with the unloading. Jim in all earnest told them that he always assigned his officers to their best abilities. First Hamstilidamst had no idea that unloading cables was any ability of him, not to talk of his best one. Second he was none of Jim's officers. Third the Big Boss was not his boss after all and could not order him about.

Fourth, however, Daby was so obviously happy over his totally unvaluable help that he did not have the heart to sit in a corner and let the others do their jobs. The plans of the bipeds sounded incredibly boring.

"We'll walk off the area", Spock had said.

The officers were certain that he really would have been bored. Scotty took the tricorder, checked the state of the ground, obstacles, surface conditions. Then he calculated the approach angle.

"I've gotta talk ter Chekov", he mumbled again and again.

"Where's the flaw?" the Captain inquired.

"T’ ship ne’er came down on a planet, Captain. The landing supports ne’er've been out."

"It hardly can be expected that they are rusty", the First Officer remarked.

The Chief Engineer looked at the Vulcan as if he had gone nuts. Daft idea – nothing rusted on the Enterprise after all. But there might be impurities and Chekov had by all means to make a few simulations.

"’t would nae be a matter at all if only three more people were aboard", Lt. Scott lamented. "Landin’ modus hae tae be adjusted at several stations, landin’ control hae tae be checked at two stations at least."

"Simply put, we can't expect a smooth touch down", Kirk summarized who did not really think much about Lt. Uhura’s assurance that the ship-hamsters were going to assist.

"We have to check", Lt. Spock, "which is the endmost halting point."

"First of all we go looking what the hamsters may do", Kirk said.

"Pavel has to adjust the ground cameras to the point", Scotty mumbled.

"Indeed", the First Officer agreed. "He has to make out a weakly gleaming line."

"It will be dark", the Captain considered. "And if I look about me, it will be damned dark."

They walked back the distance. There was much heather. The hamster-light chains might not been seen between it. If that was the case they even had to dig out heather before laying the cables. There were some trees between them and the stone circle and these had to be the utmost halting line. Somehow the place had to be marked.

Enough open items to discuss with the hamsters. Outside the stone circle the unloading was finished now, the cargo plane had already left, the hamsters waited for the officers and their proposals. The Big Boss had placed himself on the bridge once more. When he saw the officers approaching, he shooed away all hamsters so that the bipeds could enter the stone circle without harming a hamster.

"Thanks for waiting", Bombo said politely when he faced the officers.

"Our pleasure, we don't want to injure anyone", Dr. McCoy replied.

"What are your plans?"

"We defined the angle of landing and the final halting point", the Captain said. "Problem is that the chains of light perhaps slip into the heather and can't be seen. The touch down area is very limited."

"The outpost manager can take care of that", Bombo said and looked up and down the bipeds. Then he added with a snigger: "We are much better than you when it comes to fastening cables at heather."

"Everything has its advantage", the Captain grinned. "So I propose that we lay out and connect the cables. That is much easier for us than for the hamsters."

"We understand each other", the Bog Boss nodded. "Veitli talked about a guide. The HamHelis will do that. I take it that you will not have much difficulty to equip the rotor naves with – er – spotlights or the like."

"There's a shop in the Altnaharra petrol station", Spock said. "I will try to find something fitting there."

"I'll come with you", McCoy remarked. "Got to do some shopping."

"Hullo? Who takes care of the light chains ?"

"Scotty and you, silly question", Bones retorted, patted Spock's shoulder and set out together with him.

"Only Scotty", Bombo said firmly. "Captain Kirk, I have to talk to you."

"Couldn't that wait…"

"Things taking us a day, take you an hour, and there's much time until night."

Big Boss sounded very much Big Boss and even if Jim did not like it, he nodded to his Chief. He was dependent on the hamsters' assistance and if Bombo gave an order, all hamsters were on the alert. Kirk had no choice but to give in.

Now Bombo made a short gesture with one paw and one of the bodyguards came running.

"Tell the manager, that Willy, that fastening material for he cables is needed. And now you are all off and take care that nobody is within our hearing – neither you. Got that?"

Obviously the bodyguard had got that. Looking at the scene, the Captain had the terrible suspicion hat Bombo had something to do with the Mafia. By now he saw no reason at all why there should not be some Hamster-Mafia. Bombo, the godfather! In what sort of business was he mixed up here?!

"Perhaps you can imagine, Captain Kirk, that I do not do all this for you just because you rid me of that silly Balthasar."

The Captain folded his arms and smiled obscurely. Aha, now he was to pay the bill. Well, he was curious.

"Let's put it this way", he replied, "we all agreed that the Big Boss was a little too kind with us poor bipeds."

"I want your ship."

Kirk's smile broadened. Who did this hamster think he was? It would be nothing to take him, stuff him into his pocket and so much to Big Boss. Now Bombo laughed.

"Obviously you get me wrong, Captain Kirk. I don't want to - capture your ship. I need the ship's sensors."

"Oh, do you?" Kirk politely asked. "And may I know what for?"

"For science reasons, Captain Kirk, for science reasons."

While Lt. Spock and Dr. McCoy were shopping in Altnaharra and Lt. Scott connected cables, the hamsters had free time. Only when the cables were laid, they would be employed again to fasten everything so that the tiny bulbs could be seen from above. President Veitli permitted himself a lunch break after the exhausting organisation work. He had ordered Daby to stay in the control room.

She had the permission to show the technical achievements of the outpost to the foreign visitor and so Daby and Hamstilidamst were sitting in the centre of the underground system. Normally this would not be hazardous. All control sensors were switched off because nobody was where he might have been expected to be, because hamsters were here who were not reported for the Clebrig-sensors and because furthermore some bipeds were trampling around here.

"I really thought I would have to ask your friends to help me", Daby admitted.

"You always can", Hamstilidamst retorted and stuffed himself with cheese crackers.

"It's no longer necessary. I think I have some plus factors with President Veitli."

"For sure."

Hamstilidamst was not really interested. He was hungry, yearned for his hamster friends and by now really and truly wanted to go home. Anyhow, this control room was not that bad. It would have been better still if everything was switched on. Along the walls were numbers of panels with blinking lights, lots of monitors were standing about. But somehow a control room without blinking and beeping was dead.

The meal-portioning box in the corner however was really swell. It was fun to walk over every few minutes, pull open a drawer and something tasty was in it which came down from a big container. Every time it was almost thrilling to find out what was in the drawer this time. So Hamstilidamst could think of nothing else.

When he got up the next time to go to the portioning box, he somehow slipped in a daft way and held to a panel. Of course he did not know which switch he had pressed but suddenly a voice said:

"… about the giant hamster."

"Ey, what are you doing there?!" Daby shouted.

"I almost crashed down here and held to this panel."

"And what did you do?"

"Boy, I almost crashed down…"

"Which switch did you touch?!" she angrily interrupted him.

"… were such finds", another, lower voice said.

"Hey, that's Jim!" Hamstilidamst cried. "Where is he?"

"That's a secret back-switch to the president's desk in case some talk has to be controlled. But this shall not be. Switch if off! At once!!"

Hamstilidamst looked at the panel and had no idea. Neither had Daby for such switches were not her business.

"A very long time ago some retro-development took place and we try to find the reasons", came Bombo's voice."

"That sort of development often has taken place in Earth history", Captain Kirk said. "It's quite natural."

"BANTACH’s task is to decode this natural process because we are convinced…"

"Did I press this one?" Hamstilidamst helplessly asked. "I simply don't know, Daby."

But Daby had stepped to his side and made a serious face. When he stretched out a paw to try some button, she hissed:

"Don't!"

"But you just said…"

"Be quiet!"

"You always want no one to…"

"Just be quiet!!" she shrieked and Hamstilidamst puffed up his cheeks.

"…reversing?" he heard Jim's voice. "How should that work?"

"If we can prove that the giant hamster once lived world wide, it would help us a lot. I'm certain your ship's sensors can check upon that, Captain Kirk."

"In general they can", the Captain admitted. "However, quite a lot seems to be out of order at the moment. I'm waiting for the report."

"And I am to believe that?" the Big Boss suspiciously asked.

"If it were not so, Bombo, we could transport onto the ship with a technique for which we would not need any landing and any runway. We call it beaming."

"How does it work?"

"I'm not permitted to hand out information on the technique of my time period", Kirk stiffly replied. "However, I can admit that our sensors might find such fossil traces."

"For certain you can admit that as so can our sensors, it's just much more laborious. Therefore such an assistance is not asked too much of you. We are looking for the giant hamster. If there still is useful genetic material in the fossils we want to find out what caused our reduction."

"And then?" the Capain asked.

"Nothing then. You are examining your fossil ancestors without 'and then', don't you?"

"That's correct", Jim's voice could be heard. "If our sensors are working we can make a detailed list of all fossil deposits of the giant hamster. Agreed?"

While the Big Boss agreed to this, Hamstilidamst watched a very, very thoughtful Daby. She decidedly looked like better not being talked to. And he would have just loved to talk to her, bring her something to eat, dance with her through the control room. He finally knew what BANTACH was about!

When he bent forward to nudge Daby a little, he once more touched some button. Loud noise was audible. A few moments later President Veitli entered the control room. Willy, the outpost manager, accompanied him. The loudspeaker offered some dim knocking beside the noise.

"Och", Willy said, "that building site at the lake disturbs the sensors again. We get that in a moment."

He pressed some switches and it was silent. Daby cleared her throat.

"Mr. President, we would like to take a look at Lieutenant Scott's work. Perhaps the staff can already begin their job."

"Yesh, do go", Veitli nodded.

Hamstilidamst in wake, Daby hurried through a lot of outpost passages until finally they saw daylight again in some distance from the stone circle. All the time the hamster girl had not said a word but Hamstilidamst had the impression that she was terribly troubled.

Soon they reached the bank of Klibreck Burn. Daby looked about her searchingly for some time, then nodded and scrambled down almost to the water line. In the bank there was a small cave. Into this cave she dragged Hamstilidamst and started – which indeed was very much unlike her – to ruffle her fur.

Chapter 44

Return of Enterprise – Memories I

After cutting the connection to the Scotland-group, Lt. Uhura turned round with a grin.

“They really met a witch with a crystal globe who has seen that our transporter is defect”, she said, disbelieve in her voice; Chekov giggled:

“Their adventures have been almost as mad as ours, haven’t they, Lieutenant? I think we can tell the Captain everything we’ve seen, after all.”

“Yes”, Uhura nodded and the grin went off her face. “And I think we have to tell him everything.”

The complete trip had been madness but the last actions had absolutely dwarfed everything – by any means. How had that been when the Mayor-Commander suddenly had said that there was only one way to rescue the universe?

“You will steer us and the ship into that black disaster?” Chekov had gasped. Uhura shook her head in disbelief but did not say anything at the moment. Beside them the hamsters stood lined up. Dodo wanted to say something but got kicked by Goldi and shut up.

“A ship with the ridiculous mass of about 400,000 tons? Where did you get your basics in physics, Ensign? That would be like spitting out a campfire with one trial.”

“I thank that chap is getting quite disgusting”, Flecki hissed and gave the Mayor-Commander reproachful glances.

“Disgusting?” the Mayor-Commander repeated. “No, I’m just trying to explain things to you on an adequately low level.”

“Quite unnecessary”, Flecki snapped. “Hamsters are absolutely able to communicate and interact on an intellectually high level!”

“Er, could you repeat that sentence, Flecki?”

“Later, Dodo”, chief Botchy cried, whose furiously red head was clearly distinguished in the group of hamsters. “I have to talk over one or two items with this gentleman!”

The chief engineer now hopped towards the Mayor-Commander who was sitting on the Captain’s chair in a relaxed fashion, wildly waved his paws and shouted: “Low level? I’ll tell you something about level, you plonker! Don’t you know that in Hamsterton we made basic experiments on the theory of relativity, he?”

The Mayor-Commander lifted his eyebrows a little and yawned. “Indeed? What kind of experiments did you perform?”

“Well, we worked in the area of speed of light, better of no speed of light…”

“The area of what?” came a surprised voice from the Captain’s chair.

“The – er – no speed of light. We succeeded to reduce the speed of light to below speed of light.”

The Mayor-Commander shook his head in disbelief and turned round to Botchy who now had his full attention. “How should that work?”

“Well”, chief Botchy explained, slowly stroking his whiskers, “Hamstian scientists made this sensational break-through, they could break down the speed of light to 50 km/h. I have been there myself.”

The Mayor-Commander just goggled and whispered: “For that you need gigantic fields of gravitation you certainly do not have at your disposal. So which trick did you use?”

“Easy”, Botchy grinned. “We just deflected the beam of light through the Hamstian post office and done with.”

“I always said that time stopped at their end”, Tealeafy giggled and nudged Taty who almost toppled over. Uhura joined the mirth of the hamsters for a moment but remembered the actual state of affairs.

“That’s all nice and well and I would feel much better if we could deflect the black antimatter planet through the Hamstian post office. But how shall we go on now?” She directed her question to the Mayor-Commander. “You said there is only one way left to rescue the universe?”

Silence on the bridge because really everyone on board was concerned. The Mayor-Commander was still sitting in the much too large chair; his chin was buried in his paws and he pondered. His eyes wandered from chief Botchy to Lt. Uhura to the main screen. “So we have”, he continued, turning round to Uhura, “at the moment 12 type X phaser banks, half of them armed, and 3 class II torpedo-launcher of 275 capacity, armed with only 50. That correct, Lieutenant?”

Uhura nodded silently.

“That might do.”

“Do what for?” Chekov cried who was a little miffed because the Mayor-Commander did not seem to take him seriously. On the other hand the Ensign also was miffed because he was miffed because of all people a hamster did not take him seriously.

“Well”, the Mayor-Commander said in the sort of soft voice one uses against kids, “we’ll have to direct the jets a little if you know what I mean, Ensign.”

Chekov swallowed, uncertainly looking at his colleague. “Jets?” her croaked.

“Exactly jets”, the Mayor-Commander confirmed. “You certainly know what that is – or am I wrong?”

“I once saw a jet flying right over Hamsterton”, Dodo cheerfully cried. “Boy, that made a noise, you couldn’t sleep and moreover…”

“Ensign”, the Mayor-Commander interrupted, “I hope you have a better explanation than that fat fool.”

While in the background Goldi was cackling, Chekov stared at the Mayor-Commander open-mouthed. “Well, jets”, he began and quickly thought of an explanation, “jets are a kind of hot waves a planet is emitting.”

“No waves, Ensign, but matter-currents emitting from the surface into space.”

Chekov bit his lip and looked at Uhura, but a quick eye-contact showed him that she also did not know what should be the outcome of all this.

“So you want to deflect these matter-currents by the Enterprise-weapons…” Chekov mumbled.

“Excellent, Ensign, you begin to get the idea.” The Mayor-Commander looked into Chekov’s face. “Oh, no, you do get no idea at all”, he added in a whisper and pointed to the main screen. “You see? The matter-currents from the planet grow. Soon we will compensate.”

“Torpedoes and phasers are not sufficient…”

“Quite right, Lieutenant and we also will help them to get fed. These are negative matter-currents on the lookout for positive matter, you might call them hungry. We’ll show them the way to the next restaurant.”

“That’s what I’m well acquainted with, I’ve already worked in a restaurant”, Goldi leisurely said.

“You?” Flecki gasped. “Please tell me that they kicked you out the first days after 10 minutes!”

“We-ell”, Goldi said, “not after 10 minutes, only in the afternoon. However, I had overslept and only arrived there by noon.”

“O yes”, Flecki cried, “now I remember, Fanny told me. When in the restaurant the phone rang, Goldi answered it. It was the mayor who wanted to book a table for some important visitors. Goldi said: ‘We don’t lease furniture here!’ and put down the receiver.”

“And then”, Tealeafy cackled, “one guest complained because he was not served and asked Goldi: ‘Waiter, where is my fried pumpkin?’ And Goldi just shrugged and said: ‘If it ran away from you, hunt it yourself.’”

The hamsters roared with laughter while the officers did not really know whether to join them or to be worried about the plans of the Mayor-Commander.

“Then he was to cash in when one guest called: ‘Waiter, bill please!’ Goldi trudged over to him, smiled with all his charm and said: ‘I’m waiter Goldi, we have no waiter Bill here.’ You should have seen the face of that guest and he called the manager of course to complain.”

“But beating everything”, Flecki grinned, “was Goldi preparing a salad. No idea what he mixed there but the guest complained and asked: ‘Waiter, was is that crawling in the salad?’”

“U-u-ugh!” Tuffy shrieked. “What did Goldi say?”

“He asked…” Flecki had problems talking on. “…asked them if they never had seen vitamins…”

“Well, thanks for the valuable contribution”, Uhura finished the hamster-chat and continued her discussion with the Mayor-Commander. “If it is not us, where is the next restraurant?”

“The next galaxy”, said the Mayor-Commander, “is not far off. It’s a ‘young’ galaxy, that is there is no life up to now. We will direct the jets, that is the matter-currents, by pointed torpedo fire towards this young galaxy.”

“And then there’s an exchange of antimatter and matter?” Goldi cheered. “That will be what I call a noise.”

“It will”, the Mayor-Commander confirmed, “but it will take a very, very long time. The crucial point is that inhabited galaxies are no longer in danger.”

“But this young innocent galaxy – that’s murder!” Flecki puffed up.

“It isn’t”, was the growled answer

“It is!”

“It isn’t!”

“It is!”

“It…”, the Mayor-Commander interrupted this spirited discussion and angrily shook his head. “Dear Flecki, would you like to pay a visit to that young innocent galaxy, shall I send you there? Remember however that is very, very uncomfortable and so hot that your young innocent fur would dissolve to its atoms.”

When Flecki only shook her head, the Mayor-Commander turned to Chekov. “Prepare phasers and torpedoes, Ensign, I will give you the coordinates later on. We will have the following sequences: On my command you fire 3 phaser-banks, then I’ll give you new coordinates and you fire the other 3 phaser-banks. A short time later you do the same with the torpedoes, 2 at a time. Any questions?”

Again Ensign Chekov caught Lt. Uhura’s eyes and as she did not appear to have objections, he said: “No questions.”

Part of the hamsters began to cheer, especially Goldi, Taty, and Tealeafy clapped their hands and shouted: “Trats, trats!” [1] The Mayor-Commander was not much impressed, he skilfully climbed down from his chair and hurried to Chekov to inform him the required coordinates.

“Isn’t our mayor wonderful?” Tuffy cried. “Oh, I’m so proud to be of Hamsterton…”

“Sure!” Flecki hissed. “And first of all that is not our mayor, he would have long since fainted. No, I tell you, that’s the Plushum, this mysterious creature.”

“Where did it come from?”

“No idea, Tuffy, perhaps it is some hamster-god?” Sasy proposed.

“Bollocks!” Flecki snapped. “Something else is behind this. Remember his sentence? He said he did not want to go in there once more and he meant this black planet! So he had been in that black hell before! Some hamster-god would be able to take care of himself, wouldn’t he? Some hamster-god would click his paws once and the whole mess would be gone. A hamster-god would anyhow…”

“Quite right, Flecki, I am no hamster-god.”

With a start, the hamsters turned round. None of them had noticed that he had finished giving the coordinates to Chekov and was on his way back to the Commander’s chair. He was directly behind them and paused in front of the curious hamsters.

“Pity.” Dodo was the first one to find some unappropriate words. “You could conjure us back to Hamsterton and perhaps, well, it’s like this, the light in my cellar is defect…”

“What about the mayor?” Tuffy butt in.

“Don’t worry, you will see him again. I will be delighted to leave this body – and first of all this brain. It’s a little – how shall it put it? – well, it’s a little exhausting.”

“Who are you?” Flecki asked the one question. “Are you… the Plushum?”

A gentle nod was the answer.

“That’s what I’m called. Once I was a creature like you, nothing but pranks and adventure and fun in my mind. I crossed space with a fast vessel. I ‘borrowed’ the ship as your friend Goldi would phrase it and did not plan to ever give it back. Invincable I felt and nothing could stop me. Then I met a singularity, a black star not far from my home planet. I at once recognized the danger it would bring to my people in near future and began to fight the singularity. I overrated myself and the firepower of my ship and so after many days and without ammunition and energy I was drawn into the black star-eater. I read each and every information I could find on board, hoping to find some solution. But it was hopeless and the only thing I could do before my ship was gorged was to leave it.”

“To choke?” Goldi asked, goggling at Plushum. “No very smart way.”

“Not on the face of it”, Plushum admitted, “but I realized that if matter collides with antimatter the complete mass is changed into energy. Exactly that was going to happen to me and my ship any moment. We would be matter in form of particles. Of course it depends on the type of matter to what sort of particles it is changed.”

“But that’s no reason to go into icy space and freeze one’s fur off…” Flecki was shocked.

“But of course”, Lt. Uhura cried, “it was the logical thing to do. Spock would be delighted.”

“Delighted would not be a word befitting a Vulcan, Lieutenant”, the Plushum continued, “but it was indeed necessary to separate from the ship.” Plushum saw the inquring looks of the hamsters with some amusement and said: “If I had remained in the vessel, the vessel and I had been changed to one energy unit. By leaving it, I was not mingled with dead matter. That is the reason why I’m living on as energy creature and lend a hand wherever necessary. Anyway, now and then it is necessary to take possession of some body to get into contact with other beings.”

There was quiet on the bridge, then Goldi grinned and cried: “That mossbeaver-matter wasn’t a full success, by the by.”

“Don’t remind me, Goldi, that really was the daftest creature I ever lived in. The mayor for instance is a little difficult to control because his brain is not really standard. The mossbeaver brain on the other hand answers no standard I know of, it did not even have a main memory – horrible.”

“And poor mossbeaver!” Flecki was now facing the Mayor-Plushum and put both paws to her hips. “What happened to poor mossbeaver? He’s stuck in some cold machinery, far from his friends and lonely, no one takes care of him and anyway…”

“Don’t worry, Flecki, when I leave and this mission is finished, I will take him with me. The creature will of course return to his home planet – all right?”

While Flecki looked suspicious but nodded at last, Ensign Chekov piped up.

“Out of the back up, Commander? Will that not be – let’s say a little complicated?”

Plushum sighed audibly and returned to the Captain’s seat, climbed up and sat down comfortably. “Don’t you worry either, Ensign. Ready for our little firework?”

Chekov nodded: “Ay.”

Plushum lifted his right paw, pointed at Chekov and lowered it again: “Fire phasers!”

The Ensign’s fingers danced over the keys, then he like all the others watched what was happening on the main screen. Red lines darted from the lower part of the screen, crossing it to the right upper part, leaving out the planet by far.

“Well”, chief Botchy trumpeted, “the coordinates seem not to have been very correct. That went fully into space!”

Plushum did not appear to have heard this remark but pointed at the main screen where something astonishing happened. The red lines suddenly came back to the centre and after a while seemed to disappear behind the black planet.

“Gravitation”, Uhura muttered, “the enormous gravitation diverted the phasers and took them to their target.”

“Exactly, Lieutenant. And what we were not able too see: The direction of the matter currents are influenced and changed now.”

“Three phaser banks are empty, Commander, I need the new coordinates…”

“Correct by 1 degree 58 minutes east and 5 degree 23 minutes north, Ensign, then fire the other banks.”

Chekov nodded and soon the marvelling hamsters could see the next red lines of phaser fire. They, too, seemed to dissolve in space until gravitation got them to pass the planet closely. When all phaser banks were empty, Chekov directed a short inquiring glance at Plushum who nodded his agreement. The Ensign fired the first torpedo salvo. This time 2 blue bursts took the same trajectory as the phasers before, they also described a high curve before they disappeared somewhere. And so it went on, minute by minute pairs of blue salvoes wandered over the screen.

“Enough!”

Now all glances wandered from the main screen to the hamster who close by was sitting in the much too big Comannder’s chair.

“Just for information, Chekov, how much have we left?”

“Phasers are at zero, but we have 2 torpedoes left”, the Ensign grinned and at the same moment started up because suddenly the Mayor-Plushum showed up in front of him at the keyboards. “I – er – I didn’t see you coming, Sir”, the Ensign mumbled. A nod was all the answer.

“Well, Ensign Chekov, let’s see if we have succeeded. Make an analysis of the planet.”

“What if we did not succeed?” Uhura asked.

No reply. Then the results of the analysis came and while Uhura and Chekov still were reading the data, Plushum shouted: “It worked, Lieutenant Uhura, the matter currents are flowing to the calculated direction. Ladies and gentlemen, the universe is safe!”

“I’m just remembering a joke. There was someone I knew who knew someone…” When Dodo saw the looks of his friends, he interrupted his funny speech, blushed and was quiet.

“Quite the crack, I didn’t know this one”, Tealeafy cackled, nudging Taty. “I know another one but I think the tall one wants to say something.”

“I want indeed, Tealeafy, thank you”, Uhura snorted and turned to Plushum. “In the name of mankind and of course in the name of all hamsters I like to convey my gratefulness and my congratulations. I never before had such an experience. I wonder however”, she added with an impish smile, “how I am to explain to my Captain why all the weapons of his ship have been fired.”

“Not all of them, Lieutenant, you are the proud owner of two torpedoes after all.”

“This will alter everything. My Captain will be delighted”, Uhura grinned. Then she became serious again and cautiously said: “Well, your mission seems to be finished. Would you mind to return command to me? Oh, and the hamsters would like to get their mayor back – some of them at least.”

Soft coughing in the background. Plushum nodded agreeably. “Indeed, about time to leave this body and first of all this brain. It’s a little tiresome if you so to say in a way get my meaning.” Uhura grinned and relaxed a little, while the hamsters giggled and Chekov guffawed.

“But where will you go now, Plushum?” Flecki asked with saucer eyes. “You might stay with us. We certainly have room for you.”

Plushum shook his head. “First I should need a body and second I am certainly needed somewhere in the universe.”

“In Dodo there would be room for two…”

While Flecki had a furious go at Goldi, clarifying that his remark was not only tactless but also extremely unqualified, Uhura turned to Chekov. “Pavel, deactivate all weapon systems and prepare course to Earth. Time to go home.”

Chekov nodded. “Ay, there’s nothing I’d like better, Lieutenant.” He keyed in something and turned back to Uhura. “Weapon systems deactivated, ready to turn.”

“All right. Ensign, turn the vessel”, was the short reply.

On the main screen the black now slowly disappeared from sight to the general relief. Soon the familiar sight of space and countless stars became visible. For one moment to the next the spirits relaxed.

“Hey, Dodo”, Taty shouted, “what about your joke? The one about someone you knew who knew someone.”

“No, not like that”, Dodo pensively said. “I once knew one who knew one.”

“And that was the joke you knew?” Tealeafy cackled.

“Nope”, Dodo retorted, “but that one did. Not the one who knew someone who knew it but the one who was known be the other one who knew him.”

“Why, sure, Dodo”, Tealeafy tried to sooth excited Dodo, “and now just tell us the joke slowly. Slow enough for you to understand it as well.”

“We-ell”, Dodo began, “two knickers met in the washing machine. Said the first to the second: ‘Hey, been on holiday?’ – ‘Why that?’ asks the second. – ‘Well, you’re so lovely brown’.”

Except Flecki who very much controlled herself not to vomit, the mood of the hamsters was now hilarious. Goldi thought it was time for further cracks. In the meantime Chekov had to shoo away several times the chief engineer because Botchy had ideas about assisting the navigator. The Enterprise-officers realized that there was another big problem. They were very, very far away from Earth, probably thanks to the antimatter planet. The wake of the planet seemed to have pulled them along millions of miles.

“Fifteen weeks, Lieutenant”, Chekov confirmed this first suspicion after a thorough calculation, “that’s what we shall need for our return flight. Flying maximum speed of course.”

“That’s not acceptable!” Uhura gasped. “We cannot leave the Captain and our people that long in another time’s Earth. The later we return, the more difficult it will be to find them. Who knows what kind of things have happened to them.”

“Captain Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scott rescued themselves from far more dangerous situations. I’m sure they are fine and enjoying the Highlands. Well, Lieutenant, there might be but one problem and that’s Scotty introducing too much of Scottish Whisky to them.”

“Whisky, Ensign?”

“Yes, Lieutenant, it is a stimulant made of cereals by alcoholic fermentation and distillation. Usually one drinks it and the taste…”

“Thank you, Ensign, I know what whisky is! Expensive hooch! In case you don’t remember, our people have only limited means as to money. Moreover the Captain would not permit such indiscipline.”

“Well, no, he wouldn’t”, Chekov admitted. “But it’s no hooch…”

Uhura only snorted and for a moment remembered the beginning of their adventure when the Ensign had been rather beside himself after consuming vodka. “Just like vodka, isn’t it?” she mocked. “And when you wanted new supplies and could not talk to the replicator and the hamsters wanted to help – what about the mayor-multitude?”

“’t was the fault of that darned laughing gas, Lieutenant, and moreover you thought all that screamingly funny – remember?”

“What about the – logbook, Ensign?” Uhura suddenly was quite formal. “Are there any reports about these – er – events?” She glared at the Ensign you did not answer at once. “I put a question, Mister. Well? Are there any log entries which might be of any interest to Captain Kirk?”

“There were”, Chekov stammered, “very few…”

“There were? Did I give any order to destroy confident log entries of the Enterprise, Ensign?” Uhura’s eyes blazed at Chekov, who felt a little unwell.

“No, Lieutenant, you did not. It was a sort of accident – accidentally deleted.”

Lt. Uhura looked at the hamsters who were listening spellbound. “Deleted?” she snapped. “Important proof, Starfleet property has been, as you say, accidentally deleted?” She stopped short and continued: “Well, these things do happen. After all we have not been on any official mission. I sincerely hope that nobody advises Mr. Spock to search for deleted files.”

“Ha”, Goldi triumphantly cried, “now you are liable to blackmail. You certainly don’t mind my having unlimited access to the replicator for the rest of our voyage, do you? Would be such a pity if someone started blabbing to this Spock, wouldn’t it?”

Silently Lt. Uhura and Ensign Chekov watched Goldi – grinning and paw-rubbing – walking to the replicator.

“Text that as I always loosed to pray – er – used to say, bump into France – er – jump at the chance. I want a strawberry field on Jupiter or I’ll sneak on Schmock!”

Heads jerked round, even Goldi and in spite of his rumbling stomach paused on his way to the replicator. Uhura was the first to regain control. “Spock – his name is Spock”, she muttered and cautiously approached the Mayor-Commander-Plushum-hamster. “Please, what was that? A strawberry field on Jupiter?”

“Well, erm, in a way that makes the fur shine – er – strawberries, not Jupiter…”

Uhura’s jaw dropped; her glance wandered up to the ceiling of the bridge.

“Nonsense, absolute, strawberries are completely out. Oil of sunflowers or safflowers is best!” Tuffy cried.

“Dry yeast mixed with egg yolk!” Dasy proposed.

“Or algae”, Flecki knew to report. “In hard cases use diet marge or cider vinegar!”

“Even better”, Sasy remarked, “are soy oil or wheat germ oil…”

“Quiet, dammit!” Uhura shouted who was shirted by this silliness. “What do you know about matter, respectively antimatter?” she snapped at the hamster, not knowing what or whom he was representing just now.

“Erm – well, I think I never knew any Matty and Annymatty, however…”

“All right, I don’t have any more questions”, Uhura disappointedly interrupted him. “Obviously you are what you originally have been. A real pity because I had a request to Plushum but now…” She broke off and turned to Chekov. “Now we have to look forward to a very long voyage home.”

General silence, then the mayor cleared his throat. “There – erm – there was something I was to delay – er – relay…”

“What? By whom?”

Uhura was facing the mayor, fixing her eyes on him.

“Some numbers…”

“Out with it. – Chekov, key in these numbers directly!”

The Ensign nodded, ready for action while the mayor thought things over. He tried to avoid Uhura’s steady gaze and whispered:

“12.2-95 – 121.5.33.”

“Chekov?”

“Coordinates, Lieutenant – nor far off!”

“Set course, Chekov. Many thanks, dear Plushum!”

“But I’m the mayor, dear Yoohoo…”

Lt. Uhura ignored the remark and hastened to the helm’s control, almost stepping on chief Botchy who jumped aside with a shriek.

“We’ll be there in a moment, Lieutenant. What will we find?”

“That’s what we’ll see when we are there. This energy creature or whatever we call it has known that we have the problem of the long voyage back. He certainly found a way to shorten the distance. Well, Chekov, here we are, what do the checks say?”

“That… I just don’t believe it”, gasped the Ensign, pointing at the main screen where all hamsters had assembled and as disbelievingly looked at the completely black screen. What had happened? Where were all the stars?

“Could somebody switch on the lights outside, please?” Tealeafy shouted.

“We are in some space-time-bubble”, Chekov gasped. “I heard about that but that was nothing but a theory…”

“Obviously not, Ensign. Plushum is a genius.”

“Would someone inform a poor little stupid hamster what all this means?” Flecki shouted, putting her paws to her hips in an outraged fashion.

“Sure, Flecki”, Uhura laughed. “The so-called space-time-bubble is a loop-hole in Einstein’s theory, a tiny cheat. It’s correct that we cannot overtake the light if we offer a fair race but who says that we have to be fair? If space-time is distorted we can shorten the route and overtake the light. Now we are in such a space-time-bubble – understood that?”

Except Dodo all hamsters nodded.

“Fine”, Uhura continued, not paying attention to Dodo’s loud paw-clicking as he wanted to say something. “Now the space-time ahead of the bubble is shortened and behind the bubble elongated. So the distance ahead of the space ship is shortened as well while at the same time the distance from our starting point becomes longer. The Warp-drive works the same way.”

“And how shall we brake when reaching Earth?” Flecki and Goldi cried almost uni sono.

“That’s exactly the problem because the Warp-bubble cannot be influenced from the ship. We are depending on outside help and I somehow think we may rely on Plushum.”

“A hero, a real hero, perhaps a Hamstian god”, Flecki breathed, completely overwhelmed.

“Perhaps”, the officer replied, “maybe he once had been of your own kind.”

“Maybe even mayor”, Dodo remarked – quite unnecessarily.

“Whatsoever, I just calculated that our time of travel will be considerably shorter”, Ensign Chekov cheered. “Very considerably, that’s great, just unbelievable…”

“Ensign, exact data please”, Uhura impatiently said and the reply was prompt:

“No more than two days, Lieutenant, to be exact: 38 hours!”

When the hamster-cheers died down for a moment, Lt. Uhura spoke again.

“Dear hamsters! I know what you are able to do and I want you to help my colleague Pavel Chekov and me. You know we did not set out for this trip of our own free will and we hope very soon now it will come to a happy ending. As matter of fact we have a real big problem because the transporter does not work and we will have to go down in Scotland as otherwise we will not get our people on board. Landing the Enterprise would normally need a much bigger crew; that’s why it is most essential that you behave with calm and prudence.”

“No problem’”, chief Botchy roared, “laughing stock for us.”

Uhura’s glance, directed to the chief engineer, might have made coffee jugs burst but she proceeded in a soft voice: “Will you help?”

Except Dodo who had Uhura’s speech explained twice by Trample, all hamsters cheerfully agreed. O yes, and except the mayor who was still sitting in Captain Kirk’s chair, muttering: “I’m sure to be Plushum’s successor. I am PlushumII!”

It did not take long to sketch out a kind of working schedule for the hamsters. They had to learn now and get a little acquainted with Starfleet regulations. After several almost-disasters because chief Botchy accidentally tried to open the exit hatches and after several unexplainable short circuits in Botchy’s vicinity, he was expelled from further activities. Which did not change the fact that one of the circuits had done something peculiar to the communication system.

In spite of his loud protests, Lt. Uhura had taken him at the neck and placed him beside the lift door. From now on Dodo was named to be a temporary member of Starfleet Security and had order to stop any kind of meddling of the chief.

“I think this nice Starfleet tradition should be invented in Hamsterton”, Flecki delighted cried when chief Botchy was pouting in his corner and Dodo waited with raised fists to take action. All wild threats of Botchy that he no longer would offer his advice and expert hints were received with great relief. Uhura would have enough trouble to get com connection without that.

Only the mayor harassed everybody. First he did not understand anything he was to learn, second he tried to discuss with all the world if he was the rightful successor of the Plushum and what would be the consequences for Hamsterton. Finally Goldi asked the baffled Uhura for ‘a suiting tissue’ and took care of the mayor. Soon the tissue was deep in the mouth of the would-be Plushum-successor so that there at last was quiet.

“Another word and you are furless”, Goldi growled and played with a phaser in front of the mayor’s face. An anxious nod was the answer.

“Goldi! Where did you get that phaser?” Uhura’s eyes tried a furious glittering.

“Well – er – yes, it was under the chair where Plushum had been sitting… By the by, that red button in his fur was no explosion switch at all, it was a candy, right yummy.”

“Goldi, the phaser, please!”